PDA

View Full Version : Coitophobia



Lozi
10-12--2005, 08:24 PM
I believe i have this.
Discuss
(not me, but the phobia and its origins and whatever)

josh
10-12--2005, 08:33 PM
what, fear of sex?

Lozi
10-12--2005, 08:44 PM
yes fear of sex. What do you think it stems from?...no vague pun intended

matthew
10-12--2005, 08:51 PM
I think the sex element is 10% of it.. 90% of it might be the stuff that leads to sex that is the issue.. i dunno..

Where is starfly when you need her.. :)

Lozi
10-12--2005, 08:56 PM
I hate to say it..but i think Freuds theory of things vaguelly sex related happening in childhood may sometimes have something to do with it. like, for example if when you were very young and an equally young relative showed you their penis and you'd never seen one before...or anything more extreme

Chazz
10-12--2005, 10:50 PM
There can be so many different reasons in different lives that I'd guess you'd need to take that heavy step of confiding in a friend you trust that he or she might know you a bit and be able to ask the questions that lead you to find the answer in yourself.

I know it sounds pretty unhelpful, cause I seem to remember you saying something on the lines that you dont have many you'd confide in.

But then if you don't like exposing your feelings to people around you, then possibly its the same that you neither like exposing your body, your inside and yourself very intimately.

Lozi
10-12--2005, 10:51 PM
that's the weird thing though...i'm really open. i wear my feelings on my arm...sleeve...

Paul
11-12--2005, 04:06 AM
I went without sex for 2 years when I was about 20. The longer I went on the more important it became in my mind, like I was setting myself up for some major experience or something. I wouldn't say I got scared but I did start to worry about it.

Anyway, the reality is not worth worrying about, after all, it's over in a few seconds

Chazz
11-12--2005, 12:03 PM
Given that you're careful not to get pregnant:)

Atomik
11-12--2005, 12:28 PM
Given that you're careful not to get pregnant:)I don't think Paul's likely to get pregnant. I mean he hasn't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate??? :lol:

Chazz
11-12--2005, 01:15 PM
Wot ,,,you mean us guys can't get pregnant:eek:?

wow...Now are you sure? cos if so I'm gonna have me some fun:D

Seriously tho' I reckon Paul's recollection has a good point.

My first time (ooh now there's a thread) was with a friend who was proud to collect herself another notch and to do me the favour of starting this new episode in my life. Nothing serious or heavy and great fun.

josh
11-12--2005, 03:14 PM
Anyway, the reality is not worth worrying about, after all, it's over in a few seconds


speak for yourself ;)



but no, he does speak some truth - although it can be amazing, it is still never as good or spectacular an event as how much you build it up to be in your mind.

Whirler
11-12--2005, 05:34 PM
I think most people are scared of sex, especially if they haven't experienced it before. I remember being terrified of snogging when I was younger - I think I didn't quite understand it and thought I'd be rubbish (boy was I wrong! :D) Sex is such a big issue in our society, even couples who've been married for years can still have problems.

Part of it is probably just the fear of the unknown. Self-image has an effect - if you're ashamed of your body you may feel like you'll disappoint. Fear of intimacy? Sex and/or relationships can reveal parts of our inner-selves that we may not want others to see or even to see ourselves.

And yes, our experiences from childhood can have an effect as well from simply stuff we're told or to the extreme of sexual abuse in all forms.

What is it that you're so scared of Lozi?

Lozi
11-12--2005, 06:04 PM
...the penetration bit. The idea of something going inside me piercing me intruding my body MY body.....shudder...eek. everything else was fine, but um after recent events i just feel utterly disgusted by the whole package of sex.

Atomik
11-12--2005, 06:08 PM
I'd start out with tongues. :reddevil:

Whirler
11-12--2005, 06:46 PM
...the penetration bit. The idea of something going inside me piercing me intruding my body MY body.....shudder...eek. everything else was fine, but um after recent events i just feel utterly disgusted by the whole package of sex.That's fairly normal, infact, more people probably feel this than they realise. That's why I think it's really important to trust the person you're with, to know them and like them, for your body to be as precious to them as it is to you. I never had sex until I knew it was right. I did let myself down though after my relationship with that person ended after 3 years and slept around a bit without actually wanting to. Bleugh. Has something happened to you recently?

stormypagan
11-12--2005, 08:09 PM
I am sure you could see a sexual councillor (not sure what official name is) if you are having trouble. I know someone that did because of past stuff, and it did help her!! I think she was referred by her doctor.

I think your fears will stem a lot from not actually going there yet!! If you find the right person I am sure all will be cool!! It is just finding them I suppose.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry to much as you have loads of time yet!! If you aren't ready then hey that's cool!! There is no rush and you are very open about it which is cool so you seem to have enough b*****s, as such to say "I am not ready".

Sarah
11-12--2005, 10:32 PM
I think the sex element is 10% of it.. 90% of it might be the stuff that leads to sex that is the issue.. i dunno..

Where is starfly when you need her.. :)
hahaha erm.. here :wiggle:

I would have said that being as its a phobia then its probably a pretty irrational fear of fucking ? Now that could be backed up with some psychological anomolies but then that wouldn't make the fear irrational. I would say coitophobia would be an irrational fear of fucking that has no psychological basis whatsoever.. like my fear of depth is completely irrational. Fear of having sex because of psychological things going on though wouldn't, I don't think, be considered a phobia. If there is no rational basis whatsoever for the fear of sex then its irrational so coitophobia.. if there is even a slight element that means there is rationality to be applied to the fear of sex then it would be considered an extreme lack of libido, impotence or just fear of having sex, all of which could be dealt with by a variety of professionals trained to help people over come sexual trauma. There are of course people who just don't like sex. There are lots of women who simply do not enjoy intercourse. I've watched programmes on TV where Sex Therapists have got these women to open up a bit emotionally and most of them have never explored themselves sexually and felt good about it. They were taught from an early age that masturbation was wrong. I think if someone is scared of penetration then a way to come to terms with that would be to spend lots of time exploring your own body, becoming comfortable with that and actually enjoying it as a perfectly normal and bloody nice thing to do for yourself ;)
Hugs
Sarah xxx

Lozi
12-12--2005, 08:53 AM
I guess there's the whole age restriction etc thing that society has put on stuff like when it's legal to 'do it' as such. By being over that age i guess at the back of my mind i assume i should be ready

Dapablo
12-12--2005, 10:11 AM
I'm sure if you found someone to care about the whole procedure could be managed more calmly for you. Sounds like you have had a disquieting experience, perhaps it was more to do with the man you were with rather than you.

Chazz
12-12--2005, 11:07 AM
i assume i should be ready

Ready to search and understand how you feel, yes, but you tell the back of your mind, that it can be more patient. After all the lawmakers can't know you and when you feel ready (you know I know you know that, but try telling that to the back of your mind;)

Lozi
13-01--2006, 04:38 AM
rah at society and its expectations!

Chazz
13-01--2006, 02:11 PM
Too right. Expectations are just stupid neon signs at all the crossroads.