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Paul
09-01--2006, 04:15 PM
After reading someone else saying that homosexuality was like "birth control" as it could only ever be "sex for pleasure" got me wondering about same sex couples bringing up children together.

So do you think it would make a difference to the child's wellbeing or development if they were brought up by gay parents?

What if one was the natural parent but they had a same sex partner later on?

Would it make any difference if it was an all male or all female relationship?

I haven't got an opinion on this as I have no experience, but it would be interesting to see what others thought.

Atomik
09-01--2006, 04:23 PM
The only problems that I see are problems that arise from prejudice and social norms. I don't see any inherent problem with gay adoption.

Paul
09-01--2006, 04:28 PM
The only problems that I see are problems that arise from prejudice and social norms. I don't see any inherent problem with gay adoption.
That is the thing though ... seeing that there are social predujices, would it really be right to go ahead knowing that it may affect the child's treatment in school etc? I agree with it in principle, but children aren't there for conducting social experiments on.

Also, would a child be missing out by not having both male and female role models? (Although I know that many children miss out on this anyway)

Atomik
09-01--2006, 04:35 PM
Children can find role models in many areas outside the father/mother partnership. I was brought up by my mother, and I don't think I suffered for that.

In all potential adoptions, the child should come first. If the child will suffer unduly because of prejudice, then I wouldn't support gay adoption until such a time as that problem had been overcome. I'm not sure how you could quantify this and make such a judgement call though. Also, it raises further questions - if gay prejudice would be sufficient reason to decline adoption, then what about hippies? Should hippies be allowed to adopt? What about black people?

Paul
09-01--2006, 04:40 PM
then what about hippies? Should hippies be allowed to adopt?Kids on string?? Whatever next :eek:


What about black people?Very valid point ... there was a case not so long ago when a couple had their adopted 'different race' child taken away from them because some social worker thought that the child needed ethnic identitifcation rather than love. I think that the kid got sent to a family that was an 'ethnic match' and ended up being neglected. I guess the bottom line is whether the kid would get the proper love and care, regardless of sexuality, colour or whatever.

stardust
09-01--2006, 04:43 PM
That is the thing though ... seeing that there are social predujices, would it really be right to go ahead knowing that it may affect the child's treatment in school etc? I agree with it in principle, but children aren't there for conducting social experiments on.

at some point in the not to distant future i would love to have kids, and be in a relationship for it. but odds are i'll be with a female. i don't think that the risk of my child being bullied for having two mums should be reason not to have one. children get treated badly at school for loads of different reasons because kids pick on anyone who's slightly different.

as a parent i would like to think i'd instil enough self confidence in my child from an early age that if they were to get picked on for having two mums that they'd be able to stand up for themselves.


Also, would a child be missing out by not having both male and female role models? (Although I know that many children miss out on this anyway)

i think same sex parents would have to be very careful not to influence their child too heavily towards one sex or the other, but as you say, loads of kids these days grow up with a missing parent.

in my ideal world i'd like to have my babies from a close male friend so that, although the kids would live with me, they could see their father on a regular basis, and have that male influence.

i think having three parents to love them instead of two really cant be all that harmful. the more love the better i reakon!!

peace and love
stardust
xxx

Atomik
09-01--2006, 04:50 PM
in my ideal world i'd like to have my babies from a close male friend so that. Right, lads. Form an orderly queue! :reddevil:

stardust
09-01--2006, 04:53 PM
Right, lads. Form an orderly queue! :reddevil:

with a syringe and a cup!!

Gixer
09-01--2006, 05:03 PM
I know quite a few gay couples who are raising children, although the children are biologically one of the parents, not adopted. As long as the relationship and home is loving and secure then it really doenst make any difference. All the gay couples who I know are doing fantastic jobs as parents, and the kids all seem happy, healthy and very well adjusted.

stardust
09-01--2006, 05:08 PM
ideally i'd love to be in a secure and loving relationship with another woman who also wanted children, then both of us have babies from the same guy. that way the children would be related to eachother as well as to their parents, even though they had different mothers.


Would it make any difference if it was an all male or all female relationship?

it depends on how they get the child. if it's adoption then it makes no difference. i think lesbians have it easier than gay men in that it's far easier to have a biological child of their own. if a gay guy wanted their own biological child they would have to find a very sympathetic surrogate mother, and i don't think it would be as easy.

peace and love
stardust
xxx

wiggy
09-01--2006, 07:42 PM
I personally dont see any problems with a couple who happen to be the same sex bringing up a child - but i can see that alot of people do - so i think in that part thats why the child/children will get picked on etc. A friend of mine who is gay has a son but he isnt the dad - he is the sperm doner. His mums where my friends good mates and they asked him and he said yes - i asked him if he ever regretted it and he said no - which is good.

I think its the same as any couple - straight, gay, black, white, alien

As long as they are good parents - who are stable, caring, nice etc then people shouldn't have a problem xxx

Anusha
09-01--2006, 08:03 PM
My initial reaction was that i would have no problem with gay couples adopting... and then i thought about a situation a couple of my friends are in and i had to take a step back and re-think....

I feel that if gay couples were to adopt the child would have to be very young... it would be unreasonable to expect an older child to adjust to such a situation given the amount of hostility there is on the subject. A child of say 3 or 4 is already very aware of anything that stands out of the 'norm'...

Being a good parent has nothing to do with gender... and there are many hetrosexual couples who's parenting skills fall short of whats acceptable. My concern would be that gay parents would be treated less fairly and more harshly in the adoption system and certainly by social services in the event they were called in for any reason.

edit... Kobi hit send before i finished...:(

i do know a couple who split up and the children now happily live with Dad and boyfriend...but it was a difficult and emotional time for the children and not one that either parent would have chosen... so yes.. i ultimately have to say i dont have a problem with same sex parents...but realise there are huge social obstacles to overcome for all involved....

Flibbertigibbet
09-01--2006, 09:36 PM
I have two sets of friends who are gay and raising kids......one whom they decided to have as a same sex couple the other who had a child with a man and later chose to live with a woman both kids are fine and dandy....I also have opinions regarding ethnic adoptions but with save these

Firinne
09-01--2006, 10:13 PM
Generally speaking, I think (as with any aspect of parenting) it depends on the people involved and how they manage the role of parent alongside their life choices. I see no reason a same sex couple can't offer a child the love, support and care involved in being a parent, but in my experience I'd say they need to be comfortable with their life choices to be able to do that - when my mum met her girlfriend she wasn't comfortable with anyone knowing, and my telling her that I was really happy for her freaked her out so much that the next afternoon I was in the care of social services because she just wasn't ready to accept it and talk about it.
I'm sure not all cases are that extreme, but there's a definite potential for problems if the parents aren't completely at ease with their sexuality.

The social stigma is a problem, but then looking back through history the same would have been true of single parents in the past, so I think if we are to evolve as a society people need to be able to see that the minority groups they view as such an aberrance or threat are just normal people like them, with no horns or tails.
I agree that children shouldn't be placed at risk by social experiments, but I think if a couple can offer a child the love and support they need they should be allowed to adopt - there are much worse things in the world than peer pressure and as Pabsy said the world is full of same sex couples who subject their kids to all sorts of abuse and the care system is an alternative I'd give preference only having ruled out everyone short of George Bush and Darth Vader as adoption candidates.

Barefoot_Surfer
10-01--2006, 11:58 AM
I think lesbians have it easier than gay men in that it's far easier to have a biological child of their own. if a gay guy wanted their own biological child they would have to find a very sympathetic surrogate mother, and i don't think it would be as easy.

peace and love
stardust
xxx

I had a solution in mind here. If two gay couples live together (male and female). The guys can then donate the sperm to the girls. The children then in theory have two mums and two dads. It would then allow both couples to have a bonding relationship with the children. The kids would also have both male and female role models. As house prices are sky high it the cost of the house can be shared between both couples.
Matt

Elliott
13-04--2006, 12:21 AM
im not sure if i was with a guy if i'd want to adopt. on one hand i'd want a child to support and nuture in a relationship but on the other hand i'd want the child to be of me and my partner.