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out_of_my_tree
31-01--2006, 08:38 PM
Clouds drift across
the porcelain blue sky,
forming into ships
upon an endless ocean
and sailing out of view.
Allowing the imprisoned
warmth of winter
to break free along the lake top.
Basking my face
in the glory of its escape.
No sound dares to shatter
this peacefull silence,
except the whisperings
of the pines
as they dance with the breeze.

Atomik
31-01--2006, 08:43 PM
I like it. I'd try and avoid using phrases like "an endless ocean" though, coz they're inevitably a tad cliched. Distracts from what's otherwise a really strong poem. Top banana! :D

out_of_my_tree
05-02--2006, 04:43 PM
I like it. I'd try and avoid using phrases like "an endless ocean" though, coz they're inevitably a tad cliched. Distracts from what's otherwise a really strong poem. Top banana! :D


thanks very much. Reading it over again it does seem cliched, but i shall blame those dam clouds for looking so much like ships. There is pirates in the sky!!!!