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Chegzy
26-10--2005, 12:42 PM
right im in the middle of a problem
Ive been talking to this bloke on the internet for quite a while, always wondering what he looked like, i could never even think
He sticks the webcam on and says hes ugly, i dont know what to do
Ive always said looks dont matter so why does it suddenly feel like they do?
Im a rite cow

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 01:03 PM
Evil chegzy :(

Firinne
26-10--2005, 01:26 PM
I guess we'd all like to think they don't, but in extreme cases it's difficult to really feel that way. Everyone feels sorry for the elephant man characters in movies, but when have you ever seen someone really want to run up and give him a big kiss?

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, we all react to things like that sometimes and the fact he mentioned it first is probably what made it an issue in the first place.

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 01:40 PM
Aw thanx Firinne made me feel a lil bit better now

Firinne
26-10--2005, 01:48 PM
No probs, as a rule I don't judge by looks either but I do think it's innate.
On some level we're attracted to people that make good (genetic) mates and glaringly obvious unattractive qualities spark off an inbuilt response.
Sure, we're thinking creatures and can choose how we react to that, but we can't help the fact it rears its' head sometimes and shouldn't feel bad about it.

Atomik
26-10--2005, 02:00 PM
I've moved this thread to the 'sex and sexuality' forum.

Like it or not, looks matter. If they didn't, we'd all be attracted to everyone we met.

Having said that, I think it's often more complicated than we realise. For example, I've met women who I considered really attractive - until I got to know them. Once I've got to know them and realise I don't like them, I no longer find them physically attractive. I've also met women who aren't strictly my type, but I've got on with them so well that I've come to find them attractive.

What it comes down to is this: I think many factors shape our attraction or lack of attraction to a person. We sometimes think it's all about looks, but there may be more going on than we realise.

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:06 PM
Having said that, I think it's often more complicated than we realise. For example, I've met women who I considered really attractive - until I got to know them. Once I've got to know them and realise I don't like them, I no longer find them physically attractive. I've also met women who aren't strictly my type, but I've got on with them so well that I've come to find them attractive.

Yes, I've done that as well - and I'm glad to hear it wasn't just me being odd!

I think attraction's mostly decided on a subconscious level, which is probably a good thing ... I'm sure if we were party to the ruthless weighing, measuring and comparing our deeper psyches are busy doing when we meet a new person we'd be horrified.

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 02:11 PM
I get what you mean
or sometimes people just have a "thing" about them which makes them unbelievably attractive but you cant work out what it is

Atomik
26-10--2005, 02:13 PM
I get what you mean
or sometimes people just have a "thing" about them which makes them unbelievably attractive but you cant work out what it isBeer :lol:

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:14 PM
I get what you mean
or sometimes people just have a "thing" about them which makes them unbelievably attractive but you cant work out what it is

Chocolate? ;)

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 02:14 PM
Beer :lol:

ha ha maybe

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:14 PM
Beer :lol:

LOL!!

Joel
26-10--2005, 02:14 PM
looks always matter, if they didnt, then the only place we'd get to flirt and date would be over the internet

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 02:15 PM
Chocolate? ;)
or that, sniffing out to see where hes hidden it....actually that could go terribly wrong

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:23 PM
looks always matter, if they didnt, then the only place we'd get to flirt and date would be over the internet

You mean some of you have real life relationships? Booooooooo!!! ;)

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:23 PM
or that, sniffing out to see where hes hidden it....actually that could go terribly wrong

Or terribly right, depending how cute he is ;)

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 02:27 PM
Or terribly right, depending how cute he is ;)
yes that might change it into a terribly right situation in the right conditions

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:28 PM
yes that might change it into a terribly right situation in the right conditions

Heh, knowing my luck he'd have hidden it on an island off Fiji :wall:

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 02:29 PM
Heh, knowing my luck he'd have hidden it on an island off Fiji :wall:
well that or he thinks your wierd for sniffing arround asking where hes hidden "it"
Whats wrong with a bit of wierdness!

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:31 PM
well that or he thinks your wierd for sniffing arround asking where hes hidden "it"
Whats wrong with a bit of wierdness!

In general, I think it's what makes us individual.
In relationships it's often what makes us single!

TREASON
26-10--2005, 02:42 PM
yeah ive done same thing dok n firinne said, its quite nice to know that its possible to fancy someone i didnt upon first meetin them. and its just as nice to know that im not suckered in by good looks and ignore the personality, urgh.

looks are important to me, i was seeing a girl for a while who i didnt fancy, but i liked her personality, but for me i now know that would never work, and its summin id never do again. im not shallow and thats why i tried it in the 1st place, but i came to the conclusion youve got to connect on many levels, and looks is just as important one as any of the others. so im stickin with pretty girls.

but looks are subjective anyway. and something ive always noticed, speaking for myself here, is that i always tend to fall for people i see on the same level as looks as me, (does that make sence) it suits me though cus every girl ive been close with have been stunning in my eyes, and thats all that matters. does anyone else notice that??
im tryin to work out if someone people(not me) might say is ugly, fancys other so called ugly people and they see in there partners what i see in mine. i hope so.

TREASON
26-10--2005, 02:51 PM
personally i think humour is as important as looks too. i couldnt be with someone who couldnt make me laugh. some of the funniest people ive met have been girlfriends. a funny girl is well attractive in my eyes, and thats one of the things that could shift me from not fancying someone into been quite into them.

Dizzy
26-10--2005, 02:56 PM
I think you can grow to fancy and find someone attractive when you get to know them better. I am completely head over the heels, madly in love with a guy who i never used to look at twice, have known him for a few years now and honestly never gave him a second glance, until i spent some time with him as mates, dont know what happen that night but Bang, I fell for him and i look at him know wOw he is the sexist guy in the world.. :wub: :wub: :wub: (but he doesnt know i know i feel like this so shhhhhhh)

Firinne
26-10--2005, 02:59 PM
personally i think humour is as important as looks too. i couldnt be with someone who couldnt make me laugh. some of the funniest people ive met have been girlfriends. a funny girl is well attractive in my eyes, and thats one of the things that could shift me from not fancying someone into been quite into them.

Definitely, I've had a relationship with someone that I wouldn't consider stunning but had me crying with laughter. It's a huge turn on :)

Chegzy
26-10--2005, 03:01 PM
Definitely, I've had a relationship with someone that I wouldn't consider stunning but had me crying with laughter. It's a huge turn on :)
cause it makes you feel good and realeases hormones
and you know theyre gna be fun to be arround:p

Firinne
26-10--2005, 03:01 PM
but looks are subjective anyway. and something ive always noticed, speaking for myself here, is that i always tend to fall for people i see on the same level as looks as me, (does that make sence) it suits me though cus every girl ive been close with have been stunning in my eyes, and thats all that matters. does anyone else notice that??

Yup, I've noticed that one too. Also, I think it depends on how the person sees themselves as well - good looks are a turn on, but arrogance isn't.

Dizzy
26-10--2005, 03:02 PM
Definitely, I've had a relationship with someone that I wouldn't consider stunning but had me crying with laughter. It's a huge turn on :)

oh yes.. to quote a good friend of mine ' you make me laugh your in':)

Firinne
26-10--2005, 03:03 PM
cause it makes you feel good and realeases hormones
and you know theyre gna be fun to be arround:p

Exactly, and when you share the same sense of humour it makes for good times. You have to be able to enjoy each others company, otherwise it all comes down to sex really, doesn't it and even the fittest person can only do that so many times in a day ....

Atomik
26-10--2005, 03:06 PM
Definitely, I've had a relationship with someone that I wouldn't consider stunning but had me crying with laughter. It's a huge turn on :)http://old.zortal.gr/images/articles/clipart_humor/dildo_green_funny.gif

TREASON
26-10--2005, 03:16 PM
http://old.zortal.gr/images/articles/clipart_humor/dildo_green_funny.gif


hahah fucks sake

Firinne
26-10--2005, 03:27 PM
http://old.zortal.gr/images/articles/clipart_humor/dildo_green_funny.gif

Ooooh, baby! ;)

TREASON
26-10--2005, 03:56 PM
Yup, I've noticed that one too. Also, I think it depends on how the person sees themselves as well - good looks are a turn on, but arrogance isn't.

oh yeah, arogance is rank, i see girls walking down the street and they blatently want people to look at them, but ya know that if you did make eye contact then they would just look away as if you shouldnt have looked at them in the first place. a power game or summin, i dunno, i hate that though. i dont give people the satisfaction. i like to be able to bounce down the road and smile at people, or even blow a cheeky kiss and foot shuffle if i see someone i paticulary like. whats with all the fucking games, theres no need for it. i blame pointy shoes myself, they say you can control alot thru you feet. and pointy shaped minds dont do it for me. give me a big boot head anyday.

Firinne
26-10--2005, 04:09 PM
I think in that kind of situation it's difficult to draw the line between confidence and arrogance though, the old mating dance can be incredibly fun if it's done with a light heart and good intentions.
It's the people that think they're above everyone else and treat people badly because of it that really irritate me, far as I'm concerned I don't care if you're a DJ, rock star or the dalai lama - there's no excuse for treating other people like shit. The sad thing is that most of the really arrogant people out there aren't confident in the slightest, it's just a really badly chosen smoke screen.

TREASON
26-10--2005, 04:21 PM
theres a few poeple like that, that drink in the pub over the road, most the people in there are sound, even this one really good looking irish accented guy who is the worst womanizer ive ever met, i think hes sound, but if i was a girl i wouldnt go anywhere nr him.
but a few of the people ive come across in there are fucking horrible. i remember when i first moved here, this lad and his girlfriend were in there, he was acting like he was great and tryin to have a laugh at my expence, and his girlfriend was looking down at me making it blatently obvious that she didnt fancy me, fuck knows why. i was thinking, OH NO! where have i moved too. but i think thats the confidence thing your on about cus i wouldnt have touched the girl with a fucking barge pole and her boyfriends jokes were just plain shite. i wasnt even sat with them, just mindin my own at the bar. there in the minority of people ive met here though.

Firinne
26-10--2005, 04:28 PM
It says a lot about a person when they need to put someone else down to make themselves feel better, definitely not a quality I'd find attractive ...

the dj
27-10--2005, 10:54 AM
Having said that, I think it's often more complicated than we realise. For example, I've met women who I considered really attractive - until I got to know them. Once I've got to know them and realise I don't like them, I no longer find them physically attractive. I've also met women who aren't strictly my type, but I've got on with them so well that I've come to find them attractive.


My thoughts exactly - the slutty gorgeous girls at school always looked ugly because of their shit personalities (the bitches!!!) but yeah, they did have the bodies... But they were also ugly because of what was inside!

I like someone for whats inside and if they have a cute face (I can find cuteness in what others don't apparently) - then I'm smitten.

wiggy
27-10--2005, 01:06 PM
Im a self centred bitch and i mostly go for looks but i figured out if i like the look of someone in a pub i will go and chat to them - if i dont i wont!!!

I have gone out with a ugly bloke once and most of my mates where like why are you with him blaa blaa blaa - but i was well i dunno.
But i do go for looks at first, i could go out with a ugly bloke but if he was really ugly i proberly would want him to be the first person i see in the morning lol. i'm pure mean sometimes lol.

Perthite
29-10--2005, 04:27 PM
I've moved this thread to the 'sex and sexuality' forum.

Like it or not, looks matter. If they didn't, we'd all be attracted to everyone we met.

Having said that, I think it's often more complicated than we realise. For example, I've met women who I considered really attractive - until I got to know them. Once I've got to know them and realise I don't like them, I no longer find them physically attractive. I've also met women who aren't strictly my type, but I've got on with them so well that I've come to find them attractive.

What it comes down to is this: I think many factors shape our attraction or lack of attraction to a person. We sometimes think it's all about looks, but there may be more going on than we realise.



:nailonheadsmiley:

Lady_Fantasy
29-10--2005, 09:16 PM
there has to be that chemistry between two people...it often starts with a physical attraction and then it develops further....sometimes you might meet people you are not physically attracted to from the start but as soon as you get to know them you seem them from a different light and you might start fancying them. It's not that "looks matter", it's just a complement to the whole attraction deal. :cool:

Dandy
21-11--2005, 07:49 PM
i don't think looks do matter.. in the sense that if no one else found someone i was with attractive but i did, then i couldn't care less.. if you think they're good looking who cares.. and i think thats what it comes down to.. you can force yourself to find someone attractive, if you don't you don't thats life. I have gone out with a guy got on great, really good friends but i didn't find him attractive and deep down it didn't feel right. Not because i'm shallow, but because i just felt more like a friend with him than a lover. Attraction is a part of all relationships.. its all part and pastel.. i don't see it as being wrong in the slightest. If you don't fancy someone, give it a go if you really want to see if it'll work.. thats what i'd do! Just to see if you can be okay with it, if you can't you've tried haven't you !

Atomik
23-11--2005, 01:54 PM
you can force yourself to find someone attractiveIs that entirely true though? Can you imagine being sexually attracted to this man, no matter how much you loved him?

http://www.rotten.com/library/sideshow/elephant-man/elephantman1.jpg

TREASON
23-11--2005, 01:58 PM
how dya force yaself be pysically attracted to someone??

TREASON
23-11--2005, 01:59 PM
Is that entirely true though? Can you imagine being sexually attracted to this man, no matter how much you loved him?

http://www.rotten.com/library/sideshow/elephant-man/elephantman1.jpg

i see youve changed ya hair style since beautiful days dok ;)

Atomik
23-11--2005, 02:10 PM
i see youve changed ya hair style since beautiful days dok ;)What can I say? You were an inspiration to me :harhar:

TREASON
23-11--2005, 02:17 PM
elephant mans hair style is probably 36% better then mine at the moment to be honest. :whistle:

ecomamma
23-11--2005, 02:25 PM
you have too at least have a spark & if i feel it then it doesnt matter if the person is distinctively looking ;) in fact the uglyer the better, as long as I can see there beauty then thats all that counts! ive never been one for going with men for how they look, altho i did once in Australia (think i was a bit flattered) mangled my brain tho! the person was totally not in tune with who i am it was the first & last time the thought has ever crossed my mind (not much upstairs,altho they look good) a shallow moment eeekkkk!:reddevil: more of a lonely moment really!

Can believe Ive shared that one with the world...ohh the shame of it....:(