• Blagging in to festivals

    Article taken with permission from the book Yoghurt Weaving in a Nutshell by John Broken Willow.

    The chances are that if you are into hippydom in one way or another, then you will also enjoy going to festivals. There have been all sorts of fairs, shows, music events and countryside gatherings around the UK, for as long as anyone can remember, and some of them are great places to display and use your skills.

    For example, many festivals have healing areas, so if you practice any kind of complementary medicine you may be able to contact them and arrange to practice at the event.

    Of course, many of these event organisers will want to see certificates or some other sort of evidence that you can safely do what you claim to be able to. If you can't provide this, and are a bit too skint to buy a ticket due to addiction to dole energy, here are some suggestions of ways you might get in otherwise, if you simply show up at the gate:

    Say that you'll organise a parade round the site, blessing the site spirits, banging drums and wearing costumes. When asked why you haven't brought any materials, get angry and say that you will recycle waste from the land itself.

    Arrive wearing no clothes. Say that you never wear them, and are protesting for the right to be naked in public. Look scornfully at the clothed people around you and mutter under your breath about them slightly threateningly.

    Pretend that you haven't been in touch about booking because you've been doing charity work in a remote village in Africa and only returned to the country last night. Say that your brand of healing work is really important to the future of humanity, and everyone at the festival 'has to' experience it.

    Wear the most hippified clothes you can find, and simply say you are from Glastonbury, man.

    If you can perform astral projection, simply project to the festival! That way there is no need to physically even leave your house, no need to worry about paying in, no worries about blagging on the gate (since, as an etheric, spiritual entity, the security will not be able to stop you getting in). The only exception to this is if you plan to attend a psychic fair. Apparently these events employ teams of spiritual security who wave their energetic entrails threateningly at lesser spirits trying to sneak in without paying...

    Look at the person running the gate with a concentrated stare, then tell them that their aura is deep red, that they are full of anger and disharmony. Their decision making process is not working right and your methods will heal them truly.

    Turn up with your bathing gong. If they refuse to let you in, simply begin banging on the gong. Because the instrument has such healing power, everyone on the gate will eventually be tuned into the same vibrational frequency as you and will realise that you have to be working on the site.

    Approach the gate holding a necklace made of shells, crystals and other hippy dangly shit which you have made. Approach someone working on the gate who looks like they may wish to buy your wares, e.g. a young impressionable steward who has never worked at a festival before, and explain about all the different things you have.

    Stand around 10 feet from the gate itself wearing a cloak with lots of dangly accoutrements. Then push your arms forward towards the security in a gesture of spell casting. Chant I will be permitted on to the land....I will be permitted on to the land... in a ridiculous monotone voice that sounds like it's from a 1950s B-movie, then begin to do a chaotic dance, swirling your head around as if in a Shamanic trance.

    Offer magic mushrooms to everyone on the gate in exchange for free admission. If that doesn't work, offer rum instead.

    If they say that they are fully booked for healers, say that you will be the healer for the crew and organisers. This is especially likely to work if you say you are a massage therapist.

    Explain, I've been going to festivals for thirty years! It's only these modern ones where you have to pay money to get in! It should be about energy exchange! All the people coming to the festival would put their energy in and make it happen! You people don't understand the subtle ways of festival energy!

    Say how loud music at festivals these days is so out of tune with the harmony of the planet, and offer to build a speaker out of the living earth.

    Tell them that you didn't realise there was a festival going on, but you have to come on to the land because the land needs healing. You felt the painful energies of the site resonating from your home afar and were compelled to come and bring nurturing to the land that is full of woe.

    Of course, none of these suggestions are guaranteed to work. It is entirely possible that these event organisers may have heard these kind of things before....
    Comments 37 Comments
    1. hippychris's Avatar
      hippychris -
      go to or set up a fre festie instead.....
    1. Natalie's Avatar
      Natalie -
      never tried blagging my way into a festy myself, wont say i wouldnt do it either! very funny article
    1. Mr_Zen's Avatar
      Mr_Zen -
      doing the press journo blag is another good way, i use a old press card wave it at security and often get waved straight through , most security guys arent too bright
    1. Kalajalaka's Avatar
      Kalajalaka -
      haha nice. ive brought alcohol in fests in latvia like putting it in milk cartons or making alcoholic jam. i bet they know its not milk and jam. who brings loads of that to a fest? but they laughed and let us in
    1. Planxty's Avatar
      Planxty -
      I was at a festival in australia this year called Earth frueqency check it out! the best i have ever been to where the organisers arrange it simply for the pleasure of the festival goers and not any corporate sponsers or what have you..bliss..24 7 music for four days in the bush. Beautiful! everyone was on the same level purely to have a cruisy time.
    1. zoeylife's Avatar
      zoeylife -
      cambridge strawberry fair is a great day out the smaller festivals do not get enough credit!!
    1. SaraSunshine's Avatar
      SaraSunshine -
      "Arrive wearing no clothes. Say that you never wear them, and are protesting for the right to be naked in public. Look scornfully at the clothed people around you and mutter under your breath about them slightly threateningly."

      Oh my god that was my favourite to read!!! Hahahahaha thanks blagger!! :*

    1. marcco's Avatar
      marcco -
      tribal gathering festival ...luton hoo..bedfordshire....was mid to late 90s......over the fence we went all 3 ov us,,,,,,and it was a tallll fence but wee got over
    1. dando's Avatar
      dando -
      best blag i ever seen was at pilton this year.
      A woman was carefully filling bags with the litter around security on main gate
      They got so used to her working away head down and straight in picking litter all the way!
      Was just beautiful to watch!
    1. smiggsy's Avatar
      smiggsy -
      Jumped the fence a couple of times at Glasto in the mid '90s.... never blagged a festival since. Nearly all small affairs these days, some for charity so wouldn't dream of it....
    1. LittleGreyOwl's Avatar
      LittleGreyOwl -
      Good old fashioned volunteering.. food and ticket usually paid for. Write to every festival, well in advance in case they're not advertising for help. Maybe they are already full and you could try a shortlist? I got in once, due to someone else letting them down last minute.
    1. Tick Tock's Avatar
      Tick Tock -
      I found turning up at any festival with a load of horses, a gypsy caravan and several children does the trick every time
    1. thecamperdan's Avatar
      thecamperdan -
      I loved reading all of those blags I'm surrounded by football fans watching "THE GAME" in a pub I'm stopping outside of. I got a few weird looks when I started laughing out loud. I look like the odd one out anyway as none of them are dreadheads sitting infront of a laptop not paying any attention to the TV haha
    1. the professor's Avatar
      the professor -
      fun stuff
    1. ant's Avatar
      ant -
      One year at Glastonbury in 80's I think wrist bands were needed to show security, I looked on the floor and picked up and "adapted " a rizla packet (cant remember colour - but correct for that year wrist band) & put around my wrist, a quick flash at the bustling gates and I was in!! Great times!!
    1. Rupadarshin's Avatar
      Rupadarshin -
      Great to see this thread! I can claim 42 years variously doing festivals. I've used many of the blags and, strangely, honesty often works - and doesn't piss people off. Now I do stuff at Buddhafield Festival. It's one of the new 'clear mind' fests - no drink or drugs - which actually works really well, worth trying. (Yeah, I'm a Buddhist now..) BF really needs volunteers, who can work straight! It's small but has to jump through all the usual hoops to get their licence. Blagging at the gate at the last minute doesn't help - as numbers on site are carefully watched by the Council, so it usually won't work. Find the website, apply early, keep it cool - and I'll see you in the sauna!
    1. stuoolong's Avatar
      stuoolong -
      Quote Originally Posted by SaraSunshine View Post
      "Arrive wearing no clothes. Say that you never wear them, and are protesting for the right to be naked in public. Look scornfully at the clothed people around you and mutter under your breath about them slightly threateningly."

      Oh my god that was my favourite to read!!! Hahahahaha thanks blagger!! :*

      It really happened. And, yes, he successfully got in. It was this guy: