• Blagging in to festivals

    Article taken with permission from the book Yoghurt Weaving in a Nutshell by John Broken Willow.

    The chances are that if you are into hippydom in one way or another, then you will also enjoy going to festivals. There have been all sorts of fairs, shows, music events and countryside gatherings around the UK, for as long as anyone can remember, and some of them are great places to display and use your skills.

    For example, many festivals have healing areas, so if you practice any kind of complementary medicine you may be able to contact them and arrange to practice at the event.

    Of course, many of these event organisers will want to see certificates or some other sort of evidence that you can safely do what you claim to be able to. If you can't provide this, and are a bit too skint to buy a ticket due to addiction to dole energy, here are some suggestions of ways you might get in otherwise, if you simply show up at the gate:

    Say that you'll organise a parade round the site, blessing the site spirits, banging drums and wearing costumes. When asked why you haven't brought any materials, get angry and say that you will recycle waste from the land itself.

    Arrive wearing no clothes. Say that you never wear them, and are protesting for the right to be naked in public. Look scornfully at the clothed people around you and mutter under your breath about them slightly threateningly.

    Pretend that you haven't been in touch about booking because you've been doing charity work in a remote village in Africa and only returned to the country last night. Say that your brand of healing work is really important to the future of humanity, and everyone at the festival 'has to' experience it.

    Wear the most hippified clothes you can find, and simply say you are from Glastonbury, man.

    If you can perform astral projection, simply project to the festival! That way there is no need to physically even leave your house, no need to worry about paying in, no worries about blagging on the gate (since, as an etheric, spiritual entity, the security will not be able to stop you getting in). The only exception to this is if you plan to attend a psychic fair. Apparently these events employ teams of spiritual security who wave their energetic entrails threateningly at lesser spirits trying to sneak in without paying...

    Look at the person running the gate with a concentrated stare, then tell them that their aura is deep red, that they are full of anger and disharmony. Their decision making process is not working right and your methods will heal them truly.

    Turn up with your bathing gong. If they refuse to let you in, simply begin banging on the gong. Because the instrument has such healing power, everyone on the gate will eventually be tuned into the same vibrational frequency as you and will realise that you have to be working on the site.

    Approach the gate holding a necklace made of shells, crystals and other hippy dangly shit which you have made. Approach someone working on the gate who looks like they may wish to buy your wares, e.g. a young impressionable steward who has never worked at a festival before, and explain about all the different things you have.

    Stand around 10 feet from the gate itself wearing a cloak with lots of dangly accoutrements. Then push your arms forward towards the security in a gesture of spell casting. Chant I will be permitted on to the land....I will be permitted on to the land... in a ridiculous monotone voice that sounds like it's from a 1950s B-movie, then begin to do a chaotic dance, swirling your head around as if in a Shamanic trance.

    Offer magic mushrooms to everyone on the gate in exchange for free admission. If that doesn't work, offer rum instead.

    If they say that they are fully booked for healers, say that you will be the healer for the crew and organisers. This is especially likely to work if you say you are a massage therapist.

    Explain, I've been going to festivals for thirty years! It's only these modern ones where you have to pay money to get in! It should be about energy exchange! All the people coming to the festival would put their energy in and make it happen! You people don't understand the subtle ways of festival energy!

    Say how loud music at festivals these days is so out of tune with the harmony of the planet, and offer to build a speaker out of the living earth.

    Tell them that you didn't realise there was a festival going on, but you have to come on to the land because the land needs healing. You felt the painful energies of the site resonating from your home afar and were compelled to come and bring nurturing to the land that is full of woe.

    Of course, none of these suggestions are guaranteed to work. It is entirely possible that these event organisers may have heard these kind of things before....
    Comments 37 Comments
    1. Bethan's Avatar
      Bethan -
      I turned up at a festie last year and told the folk on the gate that i was 'transport' for one of the bands playing. They said i wasn't on the list (obviously) so i got a bit stroppy and suggested they go tell the band in question why they could no longer get home that night!!! The gate staff became very apologetic, said they must've made a c***- up with tickets and gave me an AAA pass!! Score! If u act like you're meant to be there, who's going to tell you otherwise?!
    1. hitch1593's Avatar
      hitch1593 -
      haha quality blagging lol fair play to ya!
    1. good life's Avatar
      good life -
    1. StormJewel's Avatar
      StormJewel -
      ha ha what a great post. Bethan you are the queen of blaggers, I'll have to try that one day if I get the guts!
    1. itinerant child's Avatar
      itinerant child -
      Enoyable article,thanks.

      I blagged my way into dozens of festivals at the end of the eighties and early nineties,and have also helped organise festivals and events and have run the stewarding,and with that experience I look upon your post and smile,as a lot of these far out ideas are actually reminicent of times gone by,and are quite similar to some approaches that I have witnessed.I have come across so many great excuses to let people in,and from time to time I will let a few people in,but they have to earn their way.

      The last festi that I worked at was frome in somerset(what year exactly I dont remember),and I had a guy come up to me on the front gate and started blagging for england.
      I told him that I had already heard all of his excuses that day but if he could give me a plausible excuse that I had never heard before then I would let him in.
      He thought for a minute then said" I cant afford to buy a ticket",so I let him in!!!!

      Why? because he told me the truth and that was refreshing.

      Security must be there to help the festival go smoothly,but the security should be fluffy enough to make a few allowances,especially for all the people who bring the colour and energy into the event.

      The day the huge fence went up at glastonbury,was the day that the festival died,well minimally became a mere shadow of itself.

      But even these huge events are easily blaggable and that I will leave for stuoolong to help you with.

      my only advice is that you must be able to adapt to each situation,as the same blag will rarely work from one event to the next.
      It is an artform that should be preserved.

      Happy blagging
    1. Jet Rollins's Avatar
      Jet Rollins -
      this all sounds like wonderful fun
    1. FemmeTatted's Avatar
      FemmeTatted -
      I feel like a right old spoilsport fart now but is'nt blagging just a nice way of saying stealing? For whatever reason or event if yer lying and coniving to get something for free that others have had to pay for not only is it dishonest it also hikes the price up for people who save hard to get to these events. It's a luxury item not a necessity so save some pennies or do what others do and go without until you can afford it.
    1. PlutoPete's Avatar
      PlutoPete -
      With the price of festie tickets nowadays, and the requirement to buy them online months before the event without even knowing the line up, festies are quickly becoming a rich mans entertainment. A lot of the "vibe" of Glastonbury festie was provided by the fly pitchers and fence jumpers, just compare the atmosphere now with the pre fence days. I fully endorse buying fair priced tickets for events, smaller festies are run on a shoestring budget and need paying punters to survive, but the large commercial sponsorfests don't need your ticket money to survive so if you can blag it, blag it!
    1. outoforder's Avatar
      outoforder -
      I would not have the front to lie, personally speaking. My agenda.. a pair of wire cutters.
    1. matty's Avatar
      matty -
      [QUOTE=itinerant child;1029979]

      The day the huge fence went up at glastonbury,was the day that the festival died,well minimally became a mere shadow of itself.
      Paid my way into the first one I went into,and they got their money then, blagged the others, even got a backstage pass for one, and that was a year when it was really hot, the cooling fans in the bar were a bit lovely, as were the cocktails.
      Can't do it any more(or need to), 'cos we trade.
    1. Freedom's Avatar
      Freedom -
      Last year, a mate of mine and I tried to get in to Reading by walking through the Horse Stables and saying we were here to pick up his daughter. They were on to us saying that his fictional daughter 'Carol' was not there and didn't belong to the stables otherwise they would know her, we had to think fast and said it was her first day, however, they smelt a rat and told us if we got past them we would only be getting into the Oxfam campsite! We evuntaully got given backstage weekend passes for free from a couple leaving :-), the moral of this story is watch how many recreational drugs you take before you start your blagging ;-).
    1. island's Avatar
      island -
      I live on the Isle of Wight. There are always people leaving Festival and Bestival stupidly early so I go to the ferry, find men with big wrists and ask them sweetly if can have their wristband as I live a mile from the festival and it would break my heart if I couldn't see such and such a band knowing they are so close. Works everytime
    1. elfweirdigan's Avatar
      elfweirdigan -
      Oh the good old days

      A friend and I once hitched a lift into a festival in a very overloaded car. The people in the front seats had tickets, we didn't. We just sat very still, with bags and boxes on our laps, pretending we didn't exist. It worked! Another friend discovered that being heavily pregnant is a bit like being invisible. My car was searched going into Glastonbury one year; I was busted for a bottle of brandy but they didn't discover my stowaway. Another time I managed to hide 2 large blokes on the back seat of a mini. I never jumped the fence... but I did tunnel under it a few times.

      Still, there came a time when too many people were doing it. The last couple of years before the monster fence at Pilton, it was ridiculous. People were literally pitching their tents on top of each other. You couldn't walk through the camping fields without treading on people. Something had to change. It did, and... I still love Glastonbury. Anyone who really wants to go and can't afford a ticket can get work there. Stewarding, crewing, performing, litter-picking, working on a stall, healing, making art or working with kids. And working it is so much more fun than paying for it.

      Try blagging the big festies for a laugh if you fancy it. But please don't blag the wee ones. Pay or work, otherwise they'll fail.
    1. celticwarrior's Avatar
      celticwarrior -
      sounds well cool lol
    1. ElleMay's Avatar
      ElleMay -
      Quote Originally Posted by celticwarrior View Post
      sounds well cool lol
      i couldnt agree more! the little festi's need the support. congrats for taking such a refreshing veiw on this if you fancy any work at festivals i am recruiting vollies to work for the composting loo's. (its not as bad as is sounds!)
    1. Aly's Avatar
      Aly -
      Personally, I'm a big fan of the free festivals like Wivenhoe fair and the Cambridge Strawberry fair. And they are awesome.
    1. Barefoot's Avatar
      Barefoot -
      Thanks for starting feast on blagging tips
    1. Tantrickery's Avatar
      Tantrickery -
      Quote Originally Posted by Bethan View Post
      I turned up at a festie last year and told the folk on the gate that i was 'transport' for one of the bands playing. They said i wasn't on the list (obviously) so i got a bit stroppy and suggested they go tell the band in question why they could no longer get home that night!!! The gate staff became very apologetic, said they must've made a c***- up with tickets and gave me an AAA pass!! Score! If u act like you're meant to be there, who's going to tell you otherwise?!
      Nicely done! xx
    1. JamJarWillie's Avatar
      JamJarWillie -
      Lmao, great posts. But just meeting up costs a lot less and is loadsa fun.sorry, it`s not a festie post as suchJJW
    1. zepherus's Avatar
      zepherus -
      Drove my bus thro the main gate at Glasronbury one year shouting ' Brakes Gone GET OUT OF THE WAY' funny how quick everyone moved out of the way... Another time i got the Police to push one vehicle i had thro the gates,told them it had no reverse gear and would need to go past the gates to turn around, after they finished pushing it they walked off, expecting me to drive out forward,,, I rapidly dissapeared into the mass. There is always a way and will always be a way ... but i agree. Support and pay/donate atthe little festies..
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