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Thread: post-rape advice

  1. #25
    UK Hippy Reiki Doula Editor Sarah's Avatar
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    well done for startin to talk about it sweetheart
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    If we are to heal the planet, we must begin by healing birthing.

  2. #26
    Confused.... Kaiya's Avatar
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    Check out this website...


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    There is a lot of stuff on there thats triggering...i wouldn't advice reading other peoples stories ect... all that ever did was make me feel triggered and because people had it worse so i "shouldn't be complaining" which just reinforced my already negative views of myself...
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    but there is plenty of threads on there about healing that always made me feel more positive....plus the people there can offer a lot of support
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  3. #27
    the essence of existance Blu's Avatar
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    thanks kaiya, I'll look it up when i get a mo.
    At the moment, i dont actually feel as bad as i thought i would after writing all that stuff down, but i know Im "on a good one" at the moment. Sometimes i feel really "sensitive", and dont want to talk to anyone about anything. Im just trying to make the most of it while i feel able, then "rest" when i feel down.
    jim jam jobbies

  4. #28
    rubymoon.co.uk claireaitchbee's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FŽanor
    IMHO You should level it with her by telling her what you have told us, send her a copy of your posts here explaing the context, if you can't face explaining it to her directly. If there is real friendship there between the two of you then it will still be there once the truth is out.
    hate to say this, but hon, there's always the chance he did it to his daughter too!
    hang in there.. keep your head.. counselling will probably help.. If Lister needs it too, he will have to go get it for himself..you cant make him, or do it for him.. at the moment you need to look after you, and your own issues...
    meanwhile sending you a huge
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    :waves: happy face? hope so, like them!!

  5. #29
    maddy by nature
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    hi blue
    huge, huge hugs for writing that down
    remember if u ever wanna talk..just text me or phone
    i'm here for ya honey
    xxx

  6. #30
    the essence of existance Blu's Avatar
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    Mini up-date: Yesterday I picked up a form, to sign up with the local Docs Surgery, and this morning I went and handed it back to them. I have an appointment with them tommorrow, for "the usual" (weight, pee in a tub, blood preasure..all that jazz). Hopefully after that, I will be able to make a "proper" appointment, and speak to the Nurse about seeing someone.
    I feel like Ive made progress already!
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    I also decided to bite the bullet, and let my friend onto my Bebo. We've been chatting away like old times, and all seems to be well between us. Im not going to mention whats happened. If she starts to let on that she knows, and gives me grief, i always know i can "block and delete", as it were.... but id hope it wouldnt come to that.
    Its gonna be tough, but its all part of the healing. Like Lister says, "its probably gonna get worse before it gets better".
    Last edited by Blu; 15-01--2008 at 06:52 PM.
    jim jam jobbies

  7. #31
    working mum AnnieAnne's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Blu
    I feel like Ive made progress already!
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    .
    Sounds like it, well done, first of all for saying all this here, and secondly for sorting the GP stuff out.

    *full of admiration*
    Love is not all wine and roses, sometimes it's handcuffs and cheese.

  8. #32

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    It's so good seeing you take charge like this - it's all really positive. One of the great things about sharing an experience like this is paving for the way for others to talk about their experiences who perhaps haven't told anyone before.

    Keep us informed of how you're doing (even if you're having a bad day!).

  9. #33
    Tea Fairy jo_rhymes's Avatar
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    Good on you Blu!

  10. #34
    the essence of existance Blu's Avatar
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    mini up-date 2: Well, I went to the Docs this morning, and the Nurse was REALLY nice and understanding...I wish she was going to be my GP!! She did my blood presure, weight, etc (alls well in that department, by the way), and then she asked why I hadnt had a smear test yet....
    " So, have you decided not to get it done at all, or have you just managed to dodge it when you've been travelling around?!" she asked me.
    I kinda blushed, and told her I had just been pretty successful at avoiding it, although I knew it probably should be done. When she asked why I had dodged it, I told her plainly that the reason I came to the Docs was that I wanted to get councilling after rape a few years ago, and that I didnt fancy "someone poking about down there".
    I mean, I wasnt rude, I just told her how it was. I find its easier that way. No point beating about the bush or "sugar coating" everything.
    She said she totally understood where I was coming from, and gave me information on why I should get a Smear done, but said thats it is reccomended, although not compulsery.
    She also gave me advice on getting councilling (where to go, who to see),, and told me about a "Womans Clinic", where I can get all kinds of tests done, and speak to others, etc.To be honest, if I am to get tested for STD's, etc...I might aswell do EVERYTHING all at once, and get th whole horrible experience over with.

    Im going to book an appointment with the GP in the next few days...so I'll keep you all posted. It really helps to share it all, it lets the pressure out a bit.
    Thanks for listening.
    jim jam jobbies

  11. #35
    Tea Fairy jo_rhymes's Avatar
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    Well done Blu! I didn't have my first smear til a couple of years ago, and they asked me why as well, and said exactly what you said, and they were understanding.

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    well done
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  12. #36
    TUMTeeTum Moderator Chazz's Avatar
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  13. #37
    well done blu you can only move forward from here

    big hugs for you and lister hun
    voted nicest member..........thats what they think

  14. #38
    Athena
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    Big Hugs! you're doing really well!


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  15. #39
    the essence of existance Blu's Avatar
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    Well, I got me an appointment to see my GP on monday morning, so I hope she's as nice as the Nurse I saw the last time. Not really looking forward to it...not sure why, Im sure it'll be fine. Just nerves I guess. Lister says he'll come along and wait outside for me if i need it, which is really nice of him. Im glad he's so supportive, some guys might not be so understanding.
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    jim jam jobbies

  16. #40
    Athena
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    hey good luck!!

  17. #41

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    Originally Posted by Blu
    Lister says he'll come along and wait outside for me if i need it, which is really nice of him.
    There's nothing to stop him going in with you either if that's what you want. Just patronizing you in case you didn't realise!
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  18. #42
    i think it really shows what a strong person you are inside, Blu, that you could post all that has happened to you on a forum like this. honestly, i only saw this thread last night, and when i read your story it moved me to tears. it's brilliant that you and Lister have such a good relationship that you are openly discussing the trauma you've had in your life, and are both trying to work through all the pain so you can move towards healing and hopefully grow closer as a couple while you heal.

    you should be exceedingly proud of yourself that your getting things moving to work towards putting what happened to you in your past and striving towards a better and brighter future. it's obvious Lister loves you a ton, and it's good that you have his support as well.


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    thanks for sharing your story, and i hope that you find the healing and peace that you need.
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  19. #43
    Pi is exactly three Boz's Avatar
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    So glad to hear how well you are doing. Well done on the sorting all the physical stuff out.

    The two things i really needed when i went through a similar situation was someone to look after me and someone to talk to. Unfortunately i didnt have anyone at the time but im now with a really caring guy, and it looks like you are too. You're doing all the right things by the sounds of it.

    Firstly i'd say get yourself sorted out before doing anything about anything else. When I went to the police they did nothing but ask me to go into huge amounts of detail about everything over and over again and it was really distressing. And then nothing happened about it. Although everyone he knows got to find out how he'd been treating me and my friend so at least people can be warey of him now. You need to be emotionally invincible if you decide to report him.

    With regards to telling your friend, you know her more than any of us.

    Just always remember how you've got lister and he'd obviously do anything to help you get over this and cheer you up. And whenever he needs it remind him how greatful you are that he's so passionate about helping you.

    Hope everything goes well :hugs:

  20. #44
    the essence of existance Blu's Avatar
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    mini up-date: Been to the Docs, and she was really nice. She asked me when it happened, if it was someone I knew, had I been for any tests...all "the usual" sort of stuff to ask I guess. I had to confess I hadnt been for tests, as i am quite afraid of the idea, although i want to do it. She asured me they (at the GUM clinic) are well trained and know what they are doing, and that they are especialy sensitive to women in my situation.

    She then went on to ask me how i felt at the time, and how I feel now, and how it affects my everyday life.
    I told her that at the time, I was too afraid to tell anyone, for fear of not being beleived, for fear of extra pressure and stress from the police, and for fear of "his word over mine"...He is a Mason, after all. I know it doesnt mean much these days, but it scared me at the time. I thought Masons were people with "power" and who had "contacts".
    I then told her that because of all the stress, and hasstle at work, I left my job. It now means I cant finish my apprenticeship. I cant handle being back in the Industrial enviroment i used to enjoy. Since then I havent held a job for longer than a fortnight...
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    She said that sometimes work can be theraputic, in that it keeps you busy, keeps your mind occupied...I dunno. For me to do something different, its gonna take a whole load of college n training....and I STILL wont be able to do what I always wanted to do.
    (On the plus side, Im thinking of going self employed to go round schools, teaching kids circus skills. Maybe I should try to concentrate on that??)
    Another thing she asked was how i felt at the time, and i just said "how would you feel?" as my lip went wobbly. I told her I was angry, afraid, alone,upset, trapped, abused and violated. When she asked how i feel now, I said I'd been pretty down recently, and generally feeling like i was failing at everything i tryed to do. I told her about Lister, and how he supports me, and she said it was good i had someone so understanding. I told her i didnt beleive in self-harm, as it doesnt acheive anything. She asked if i was on anti-D's, and i said no, as i didnt want to start on them, and become dependant. Id rather keep busy, and enjoy the sun when its out. If i need cheered up, Listers the man for the job!
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    So yeah, thats how it went. She sent me home with a wee questionaire to fill in about the 9 symptoms of depresion...i scored a total of 7/9... hmmm....Something to ponder over, I think.

    jim jam jobbies

  21. #45

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    Originally Posted by Blu
    (On the plus side, Im thinking of going self employed to go round schools, teaching kids circus skills. Maybe I should try to concentrate on that??)

    [/COLOR][/COLOR]
    that sounds really cool
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    Youve just made another step hun and dealing with this in the healthiest possible way, ive got complete confidence that youll get through this.

    I think its probably no surprise that you got 7/9, but again, you can work through it and keep yeh chin up. My advice would to be to try and not label yourself as depressed as its very easy to fall into, "being" depressed can often remove your control so telling yourself you are not depressed you just feel depressed is actually very different.

    i think you should be very proud of yourself for dealing with this, youre sounding stronger and stronger every day, not allowing your past to rule over your future and believing that you deserve to be happy, because you do.
    I :heart: Everyone, Including Those Who Defy Me To Do So :hippylove

  22. #46
    the essence of existance Blu's Avatar
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    Im glad my posts are helping others get through what is a really tough time. I only hope it doesnt "bore" you, as i type a sort of "diary" of my recovery. I hope reading it will help some people, and perhaps "educate/inform" others on the forum who (fortunatly) dont have experience of such things. Hopefully it will help others to cope in the future, and make them think of what their partner has/may have been through.

    Its all a bit grim at the mo...but Im hoping "my story" will have a happier ending....
    jim jam jobbies

  23. #47

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    Originally Posted by Blu

    Its all a bit grim at the mo...but Im hoping "my story" will have a happier ending....
    Im sure it already does, its just not finished yet.
    So you feeling bad?
    I :heart: Everyone, Including Those Who Defy Me To Do So :hippylove

  24. #48
    the essence of existance Blu's Avatar
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    Been feeling a rough the past couple of weeks...maybe its winter blues??

    Sometimes I feel totally useless..I cant even go out and do the job I was trained to do! I cant stand that enviroment anymore, too many memories.
    If I could go out and do 1 weeks work as a joiner, I could be earning upto the same amount as we get payed on JSA for a whole month.It sickens me to think that it would be so easy for us to pay off our debts, bills and rent...if I wasnt so fucked up. I see adverts in the papers looking for time-served joiners, and I know I cant go for them, as I dont have the bit of paper to say Im qualified. I curse "Him" as much for making me fuck up my work as I do for what he actually did to me physically.
    jim jam jobbies

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