IMO I think you should get some help for the depression. I suffer from it and take anti depressants which help loads. It is an illness like any other and should be recognised as such. It is not a sign of weakness. Have a read round on the internet. If you get your depression under control you will have more ability to cope with your emotions and the difficulties of everyday life. You have come so far and I am in awe of you for sharing your experiences and asking for the help you deserve.