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Thread: Being bisexual

  1. #25
    An Old Rocker solo1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mydogsinspace
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    Oh ok, it wasnt obvious to me but im a bit slow on the uptake.. i see what you mean now... ah its the way you tell em i guess.. can see both sides. Meanwhile back at the ranch, its a good discussion keep going!
    Good Idea
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  2. #26
    Difficult Character Muninn's Avatar
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    I think things are getting a little too heated here. Let's bear in mind that yes, it is a sensitive subject, but there's no problem with a bit of (good natured) humour.

    I couldn't give a toss if someone has a joke because I'm bi... a friend used to call me a "dirty, greedy bi" and told me to "get off that fence before you get a splinter in your arse"... but it was all an innocent laugh, and we knew that. Of course, being nasty or violent is a different matter to a bit of banter, and I could not tolerate that.

    Anyways, chill....
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    Originally Posted by mydogsinspace
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    Muninn, i thought your post started with "im short" just re read it and it says "in short" laughed my head off! Hes short and bi?!!!!
    Short?!? I'm 6 foot tall! :P
    Agree with you on the notion that because you're bi it means you're a nymphomaniac or a slag (male or female). I think some of it gets confused with the whole polyamory/polygamy thing. Also interesting that some people think you strictly alternate,.and have a man, then a woman, then a man etc.

    I think the Kinsey Scale, though not perfect, is a good illustration of where someone is. I think I'm a 2 or a 3.
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  3. #27
    Shed Junkie alices wonderland's Avatar
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    I think we are all guilty of throwing a bit of our own humor at the threads we engage in! I said at the beginning, I would stay out of this one. Not because I have no views, I do. But because I just knew that its a very emotional subject for some & I'm not the most sensitive of people at times. I wouldn't want to derail or detract from the potential quality of the discussion. I wouldn't have thought cup of tipi's post was meant in any other sense of humor, than that what I would use. I also didn't think you would react to his post so strongly, knowing your sense of humor in other posts. Maybe with the thread introduction, you could have pointed out that its a sensitive issue and kindly refrain from taking the piss people.
    even a gypsy caravan is too much settling down.

  4. #28
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    Never heard of the Kinsey scale, what is that?

  5. #29
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    Hi solo.. how are things up there? Daisys origional post has also got me thinking about gays/bis up north vs down south... do you think there is a difference in attitudes towards the lbgt communities up north to down south? Hope im not hijacking daisys post here... just interested as an aside..

  6. #30
    Difficult Character Muninn's Avatar
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    It's a scale that shows various degrees of bisexuality - as there are various shades between gay and straight.

    0 is totally straight, 7 is totally gay. Also X was included for asexuals. I dont find it perfect, as I would like to see it as a graph, with another axis for degree of bi-romantic. Some people may well be aroused by the same sex, but not be frantically interested, and visa versa
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  7. #31
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    Interesting, I'd probably be a 3.

  8. #32
    An Old Rocker solo1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mydogsinspace
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    Hi solo.. how are things up there? Daisys origional post has also got me thinking about gays/bis up north vs down south... do you think there is a difference in attitudes towards the lbgt communities up north to down south? Hope im not hijacking daisys post here... just interested as an aside..
    Hi Daisy Dreamer , not wanting to Hi Jack thread , just answering a question
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    mydogsinspace -- Well Manchester and Blackpool seem to be a Metropilous in the U.K. I don't think theres any more percentage though in North /South Divide . Just for the Record on this Forum , 1 of my live in GF were Bi and I never give it a Negative thought , it was just who she was ,and some of my Male Friends are Bi , {some Gay } The only concerns I have about them is some can Play Guitar better than me . {Hope your having a nice day } and everyone else on here ,,
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  9. #33
    Badger Lover <3 Lord Summerisle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cup of tipi
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    Load of shite.
    It was a jest comment after someone had written something on an internet forum. As in, open
    to the 'public''.
    Asking opinions on an open forum doesn't suggest any insecurities. '' ooooh, i think i'm gay/lesbian/bi , but because
    soemone on his keyboard made a ''funny'', i'm now pressured to say nothing to nobody !!!'' Yeah, that's how life works, does'nt it?
    There's no need to be abusive towards my opinion by calling it a load of shite. As to making a fun .. one persons funny is another persons insult, and that's why I said "to me at least, even if intended with no malice". Unfortunately words do hurt, as they devalue the person they're aimed at.

    You later said to Daisydreamer "It was a pisstake AT YOU" and the reason for that pisstake in relation to this discussion is ... ???? Oh yeah, to take the piss out of someone, not cos it appears to be making any valid input into the discussion. In my opinion, it wasn't funny, it wasn't nice and it wasn't needed.

    Believe me I'm not having a go at you, I'm not taking the piss, I'm not calling your opinions shite, I'm just questioning why you thought a 'point and giggle' type of remark - and that's how it seemed to me - was a valid input into what could be an interesting discussion?
    Last edited by Lord Summerisle; 16-08--2013 at 01:10 PM. Reason: added
    " There should always be a supply of cider and cupcakes..."

  10. #34
    Transcending cup of tipi's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lord Summerisle
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    There's no need to be abusive towards my opinion by calling it a load of shite. As to making a fun .. one persons funny is another persons insult, and that's why I said "to me at least, even if intended with no malice". Unfortunately words do hurt, as they devalue the person they're aimed at.

    You later said to Daisydreamer "It was a pisstake AT YOU" and the reason for that pisstake in relation to this discussion is ... ???? Oh yeah, to take the piss out of someone, not cos it appears to be making any valid input into the discussion. In my opinion, it wasn't funny, it wasn't nice and it wasn't needed.

    Believe me I'm not having a go at you, I'm not taking the piss, I'm not calling your opinions shite, I'm just questioning why you thought a 'point and giggle' type of remark - and that's how it seemed to me - was a valid input into what could be an interesting discussion?
    Oh dear me.
    Valid input????? I've read many of your posts, and the opening posters , and valid posting
    is not something which comes across in the main.
    Are you both such powerhouses on here that you demand only relevent and valid posts should
    be allowed in your topics? Up yourself much ?

    You've judged it as point and giggle. She judged it as school playground. Nice. It was more incredulous that
    such a topic was put up in such a way.
    Maybe the opening poster should have worded her questionare better, and possibly explained the seriousness
    of the issue and what she wanted to achieve by posting the thread up.
    Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone

  11. #35
    Heavenly Creature Jester's Avatar
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    this is all goin over the top. Each to their own . And if DD is so what she still the same girl .
    bet me ,bet i can.

  12. #36
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    Originally Posted by cup of tipi
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    Oh dear me.
    Valid input????? I've read many of your posts, and the opening posters , and valid posting
    is not something which comes across in the main.
    Are you both such powerhouses on here that you demand only relevent and valid posts should
    be allowed in your topics? Up yourself much ?
    If you can`t play nice or are unable to take constructive criticism then maybe it`s time to bow out of a thread?

  13. #37
    the devil's avocado Moderator Paul's Avatar
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    This thread had a purpose and has been derailed by a debate over inappropriate humour - I don't think it was right in a thread that was meant to be serious, but in all honesty I've been guilty of it myself in the past, so it would be hypocritical for me to pass judgement at this stage.

    However it's derailing the spirit of the thread, so (as a moderator) I suggest we draw a line under it from this point forth and get back to the original question.

    Any more nasty, unhelpful, sarcastic or inappropriate comments and I fetch the stick!
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  14. #38
    Sturnus vulgaris Starling's Avatar
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    I enjoyed the song
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  15. #39
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    On the Kinsey Scale...I`m a 0 .... I`ve read the two pages...and from outside the goldfish bowl... I dont massively read Tipis comments as offensive in any way.
    This : the written word...and esp on forums like this (moreso others--- Efestivals for example) can be not only comforting, as I`ve found out since thursday...but can also be a viscious wound openly sabre.
    I`m really a dry sarcastic bassa..and can very easily be taken the wrong way until people get to know me...so for instance on here...I consider myself very much an Apprentice...and am learning the styles of the main contributers.
    My overall feelings thus far of this site is that theres no nasty baiting or bitching...maybe cos most of us embrace the "hippie way".
    there now.
    bless
    den
    btw.... how do i get to a 1
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  16. #40
    Badger Lover <3 Lord Summerisle's Avatar
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    Hi DD I hope you don't mind if I lob a question in here for whoever chooses to answer?

    How do you feel as a bisexual person in a lesbian/gay/transgender environment: do you feel comfortable, accepted, or is it the same - I guess - as straight society, in that you may feel you don't fit well in either camp? (no pun intended)

    If so, have you experienced discrimination from within the LGT community, for being: fence sitters; not made your mind up; greedy; 'traitors to your kind'; able to be safe in the closet when around you those that are out may be suffering prejudice?
    Last edited by Lord Summerisle; 18-08--2013 at 05:03 PM. Reason: sloppy grammar
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  17. #41
    Turning On Bi-G's Avatar
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    Well I'm in my early 50's and I keep it to myself. I tried telling my last girlfriend and it caused so much friction that we split up even though I assured her that I would never cheat on her but she couldn't get it out of her head that I would go off with a man but I kept saying but if I was straight then what would be stopping me cheating and going off with another women. But she didn't see it. So we split and I swore I would never tell anyone again. And I have always been honest because I believe this to be very important in any relationship.

  18. #42
    Me gone,bye bye.. NomadicRT's Avatar
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    I think you were right to be honest,without honesty and trust in a relationship there is no basis for any relationship to continue.Its not your problem that your ex was unable to deal with the issue and youre entitled to be who you are in life not go skulking about hiding things because of what others might think of you.
    Its regretably that your ex reacted like that and probably a pretty typical reaction, but there are people about who accept their partner is Bi,that degree of acceptance may vary from just knowing so long as they do nothing about it, to actually encouraging the partner to seek liasons with same sex others for sex, or engaging in 3 or 4 somes together with other Bi couples or even groups, so just because your own ex reacted badly doesnt mean every girl will follow suit and doesnt justify you hiding your bisexuality or being dishonest to another potential girlfriend.
    Ive known a few couples where either one or both are Bi, to each others full knowledge and seem to have managed a good relationship or marriage around it.
    You also don't know for sure that your girlfriend didnt just use the issue as a way out of a relationship that she'd maybe wanted out of anyway, but needed a reason..youll probably never know but its not worth too much pondering over.
    Regardless of how a prospective partner reacted Id always be open and honest from the start and if it wasnt good news for them then theyre not the right person for me, so Id move on,it wouldnt change how I dealt with anyone later.
    I think in purely general terms the younger generation are more accepting and sexuality/ sexual orientation is not such a biggy as it is/was for older generations like ours.

  19. #43
    Me gone,bye bye.. NomadicRT's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lord Summerisle
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    Hi DD I hope you don't mind if I lob a question in here for whoever chooses to answer?

    How do you feel as a bisexual person in a lesbian/gay/transgender environment: do you feel comfortable, accepted, or is it the same - I guess - as straight society, in that you may feel you don't fit well in either camp? (no pun intended)

    If so, have you experienced discrimination from within the LGT community, for being: fence sitters; not made your mind up; greedy; 'traitors to your kind'; able to be safe in the closet when around you those that are out may be suffering prejudice?
    Interesting question and shame no one answered,maybe the bad feeling put people off....I'm openly gay and been on and off the gay scene(though unless I told anyone no one would know) and so maybe I'm not the right person to answer a question posed for Bi men/ women but from my perspective as a gay man thats been discriminated against for 40+ years I d say society discriminates against everyone in various ways whether youre gay,bi, straight,TG/TV/TS/CD, male, female, black, white, able bodied or disabled Christian, Moslem, Jew, Hippy... etc etc.
    How you deal with that discrimination and how comfortable you feel as someone 'on the outside' or 'not of the majority' really depends on how personally sensitive you are to criticsim of who you are, or to that discrimination.

    Personally Ive had a lot of shit come my way, both as a gay person and my dyslexic issues, varying from passive avoidance to verbal and physical abuse but on the whole its just made me harder and more resilient to it and prepared to stand my ground and or fight back.
    Im not about to be ground down and belittled by ignorance simply because I was born differently and happen to be atracted to and like sex with men ,rather than women .
    Bi guys dont get descrimination from the LGBT (and btw the 'B' refers to Bi's) community (or the gay community which we're predominantly referring to as decriminatory ) to any greater degree than gay men get themselves from within their own community, or that women get from their predominantly chauvinistic mysogynistic straight counterparts.

    Gay men get descriminated against by gays, either from one side of the spectrum because theyre perceived as 'not gay enough' 'not camp and out there shouting it to the world' 'not proud' 'have internalised homophobia issues',insist on being seen as 'straight acting' OR, from the opposite side of the spectrum 'too camp' 'fairys' 'screaming queens' 'male sluts' 'rent' etc then theres the descrimination that goes out at guys who are HIV+ and the automatic assumption from most that 'they were bed hopping or toilet sex sluts and only have themselves to blame'.

    Lesbians are discriminated against in the gay community for some odd reason but then theres some reciprocal animosity too.

    Transgender TV/TS/CD men and women are decriminated against badly by both gay and straights....except when its convenient for straight guys to obtain sex with a guy who just happens to be dressed (READ disguised) as a woman 'so none of their mates will know they like sex with men' then, of course, its ok.
    On the whole TV/TS/TG people get the worst possible deal all round,theyre treated as 'freaks' and used and abused by gay bi and straights alike.

    Probably the only valid criticism of Bi men by the Gay community is that quite a few Bi men DO want it both ways, they cheat on their wives and girlfriends without their knowledge, for sex with men, sometimes prolifically and secretly for years often with the same gay man/men, while continuing amongst their circle of friends to maintain aggressively homophobic outspoken opinions and wont be honest with their wife /girlfriend or make a solid committment to either them nor to their gay male sex friend.
    But then some gay men are just as non committal and amoral.

    You can always find enough straight/bi guys on gay dating/hookup sites like gaydar and grindr if thats what youre lookin for,theres even sites now specifically to enabler gay and straight men to meet up, or 'straight' / bi men to meet other 'straight'/ bi men. Ive also had plenty 'straight' or Bi curious work colleagues or friends approach me expecting sex from me while they continue to maintain as openly homophobic a stance as its possible to have in a workplace or social setting or who routinely ignore you or are passive aggressive once you refuse. Ive even been approached by a homophobic family member.
    So yes some gay men resent that of Bi men but in reality its probably deserving and no different to the descrimination women receive from men who feel its ok for themselves to be 'one of the lads' and shag who they please in or out of a relationship, but not ok for a woman to go to a pub on her own and if she does she's 'a goer' or 'easy'.

    As I said we all get discriminated against one way or another and we all have perceptions on whether we 'fit in' or are 'accepted' by our peer groups and if, as individuals, we dont deal with that rejection or criticism too well then that has a disproportionate effect on how much we feel 'rejected' or discriminated against.

    The majority of people have self esteem and perception issues engineered into us from an early age by the society we grow up in, so regardless of how we present ourselves publicly -introvert/extrovert- its easy for many individuals to feel susceptible if theyre not one who naturally 'runs with the pack' or the herd.
    I really dont buy the argument that Bi's are the second class citizens of the LGBT community.

    Really its about time people just grew up and accepted we are all different human beings and we dont need to label or classify ourselves nor live our lives on the basis that we MUST fit in to one group or another or to feel accepted and that if we dont we'll forever be outcasts.
    It doesnt help matters at all when people like Kinsey insisted that everyone must be psychologically profiled and pigeon-holed on a scale of 0 to 7 which just reinforces the need to fit in and the perceived sense of discrimination if a persons score doesnt fit in with that of the majority...Were all human, thats all.
    If you want equality for yourself, treat others as your equal,if you dont want to be discriminated against, dont discriminate..its not too difficult a concept I wouldnt have thought.
    Last edited by NomadicRT; 26-06--2015 at 03:49 PM. Reason: spelling- grammar
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  20. #44
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    Originally Posted by NomadicRT
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    I think you were right to be honest,without honesty and trust in a relationship there is no basis for any relationship to continue.Its not your problem that your ex was unable to deal with the issue and youre entitled to be who you are in life not go skulking about hiding things because of what others might think of you.
    Its regretably that your ex reacted like that and probably a pretty typical reaction, but there are people about who accept their partner is Bi,that degree of acceptance may vary from just knowing so long as they do nothing about it, to actually encouraging the partner to seek liasons with same sex others for sex, or engaging in 3 or 4 somes together with other Bi couples or even groups, so just because your own ex reacted badly doesnt mean every girl will follow suit and doesnt justify you hiding your bisexuality or being dishonest to another potential girlfriend.
    Ive known a few couples where either one or both are Bi, to each others full knowledge and seem to have managed a good relationship or marriage around it.
    You also don't know for sure that your girlfriend didnt just use the issue as a way out of a relationship that she'd maybe wanted out of anyway, but needed a reason..youll probably never know but its not worth too much pondering over.
    Regardless of how a prospective partner reacted Id always be open and honest from the start and if it wasnt good news for them then theyre not the right person for me, so Id move on,it wouldnt change how I dealt with anyone later.
    I think in purely general terms the younger generation are more accepting and sexuality/ sexual orientation is not such a biggy as it is/was for older generations like ours.
    Hi again NomadicRT
    It was me that finished the relationship with my ex I couldn't handle the mistrust and all the questioning, which went on for well over a month, she didn't want us to part but was obsessed and wouldn't let it drop. I will not go into another relationship with a girl/women unless she herself us bi and completely understands who I am. I would never cheat but if we both agreed and wanted mmf or mff I would be happy to do that. At this moment in time I'm quite happy being single and can just go out and enjoy myself not that I do lol. G

  21. #45
    Me gone,bye bye.. NomadicRT's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bi-G
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    Hi again NomadicRT
    It was me that finished the relationship with my ex I couldn't handle the mistrust and all the questioning, which went on for well over a month, she didn't want us to part but was obsessed and wouldn't let it drop. I will not go into another relationship with a girl/women unless she herself us bi and completely understands who I am. I would never cheat but if we both agreed and wanted mmf or mff I would be happy to do that. At this moment in time I'm quite happy being single and can just go out and enjoy myself not that I do lol. G
    Probably the 'obsession' was because with no previous experience it was all too big a culture change for her to get her head around...Its always good that youre happy within your own skin and living in your own company before being in a relationship.The main thing is being comfortable with who you are and honest with yourself as well as others.
    The good things will follow in due course.
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  22. #46
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    Originally Posted by NomadicRT
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    Probably the 'obsession' was because with no previous experience it was all too big a culture change for her to get her head around...Its always good that youre happy within your own skin and living in your own company before being in a relationship.The main thing is being comfortable with who you are and honest with yourself as well as others.
    The good things will follow in due course.
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    Thanks again for your messages

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  23. #47
    Afloat ... or adrift? marshlander's Avatar
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    I grew up thinking/knowing/hoping I was straight. I suppose being straight generally means we don't need to think about our sexual orientation at all. I didn't give it much thought although I recognised at some level that I liked other boys but had no personal vocabulary enabling me to claim being anything other than what I assumed i.e. straight. All I "knew" is I wasn't one of "them".

    As I approached middle age I realised that I was probably not going to grow out of my feelings and attractions for men. By that time I was married and bound up in the complications of long-term commitment. I went through a short period of thinking I was probably bi before deciding I felt much more comfortable identifying as gay.

    At the moment I am reassessing where I am although I find I am still happiest identifying as gay. I am very happily in a long-term, long-distance relationship with a man and neither of us see any reason for that to change. I am willing to accept now, though, that there is a little bit more of the hetero in the mix than I have felt comfortable admitting over the past couple of decades. There just is not enough for me to anticipate wanting to do anything about it and certainly not enough to make me want to enter any kind of physical or emotional relationship with a woman beyond the satisfying and uncomplicated friendships I enjoy and expect to continue to enjoy as my path brings me into contact with new and interesting people. I can see that priorities can change and that the processes of life change us too. We all experience a sort of ebb and flow of natural change. None of us knows what the future might have in store. Some people may be capable of loving the person regardless of their sex. I suspect that were I to find myself in another relationship in the future I would not experience the kind of personal upheaval and realignment I have experienced in the past and that any future relationship would be with a man.

    I'm not keeping my options open waiting for something better to come along, because I love what and who I have in my life now. I'm acknowledging that the picture for me is probably more complicated than I find it convenient to admit. I'm still happiest being out, gay and with my beautiful man, but such a description is probably a short-cut that bypasses the more complicated person that is me.

    What I am left pondering is whether, by allowing myself to accept any labels at all I become part of the problem that could be a step on the road leading to homo/bi/trans/hetero/etc. phobia. However, shucking off labels confuses people and if we are not easily pigeon-holed we lay ourselves open to becoming objects of suspicion.
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  24. #48
    Me gone,bye bye.. NomadicRT's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by marshlander
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    What I am left pondering is whether, by allowing myself to accept any labels at all I become part of the problem that could be a step on the road leading to homo/bi/trans/hetero/etc. phobia. However, shucking off labels confuses people and if we are not easily pigeon-holed we lay ourselves open to becoming objects of suspicion.
    Maybe it would confuse people if it was an absolute requirement to be obviously of one labelled pigeon hole or another but it isnt.
    Your sexuality makes no odds at all -or should not-unless you intend having a love/sex relationship with someone of whichever sex or orientation.For any other purpose its irrelevant.
    Its usually reasonably easy to suss out over time whether people are gay or straight or if theyre interested in you or not.Being honest-in a perfect world-it shouldnt be a requirement to have a label to attach to oneself in order to interact with another person far enough to find out whether theyll reciprocate your sexual interest/ attraction in them without being offended or outraged.
    Years ago and before homosexuality was legalised and it was dangerous to label oneself as anything other than 'one of the herd or flock', men and women still found same-sex partners and love interests or lived their lives flowing between 'straight' or 'gay' relationships. Labelling wasnt necessary.Peple just knew or found out where to associate with others who felt the same way about their sex or orientation needs.
    It was the need of religions and the establishment to label and categorise people in order to weed out peope they considered undesirable or a danger to morals of the 'ordinary man' and deflect attention from themselves ie as a tool of control and has since been expanded on to group and sub group every aspect of sexuality and human behaviour -as though it matters.
    Science might like to know for the purposes of understanding and knowledge and its obsession to categorise everything, but it makes no odds at all to the rest of us who just want to live life how we choose, with the people we choose, of whichever sex we choose and so long as it does no other person harm why shouldnt we?
    If people really want to be labelled then they can logically expect to be discriminated against by people labelled differently to themselves.If you do away with labelling you make a substantial positive move to eradicating discrimination....like I said, people need to grow up, accept we're a diverse species and stop behaving like sheep.
    Last edited by NomadicRT; 27-06--2015 at 02:57 PM.
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