THIS WEBSITE NEEDS YOU - SERIOUSLY!
This website has been in arrears for some time & will not survive unless donations remain consistent! We currently have over 17500 members & if everyone contributed we would never need to ask for money again. However, we appreciate not all of you are in the same financial position but we regularly run at a loss, so if you can afford to, please consider donating. The progress bar is arbitary & resets every month & there is a thread on running costs here.

Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 24 of 225

Thread: My mental health

  1. #1
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355

    Talking My mental health

    Hi guys in 1990 I got diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome which is on the autistic spectrum and ADHD not really should've been a warning to my parents and my family that something wasn't right in my head
    In 2012 I got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder European nine unstable mood personality disorder but also diagnosed
    Bipolar traits

    Schizophrenic traits because I hear voices that tell me to hurt myself
    Dopamine induced psychosis because they did a blood homeowner full test and all my homegrown zero totally wrecked
    I have been on various different types of psychiatric medication I'm currently on a break dream that I don't particularly like is the antipsychotics you see there really hard on the body and the head
    The guinea pigs are really helpful for my mental health and so is my music when I have the energy to do it
    If any of you have any questions even if you think they're really stupid chances are I would've had them and have answered them before so feel free to ask anything


  2. #2
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    I also got diagnosed with anorexia and believe me up in 9099 so I'm really fucked
    Correctionbulimia
    I know that doesn't look right but my Apple dictation is not picking up the flipping word
    This dictation is not fit for purpose

  3. #3
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    I think if I didn't have my strange head and all its problems I wouldn't be gifted with music and I have this constant thirst for learning I thought that was supposed to turn itself off when you got into adolescence my brain still does it and I'm 32 with your switch for the constant learning process I have no idea where it fucking is I'd like to know so I can have a break from reading things constantly I'm always bloody reading I also have a confession to make not only do I read the BNF twice a year and memorise it which is the books of GPs have for all the drugs I also we dictionary is English ones Latin ones and I think I said this fucking stupid I love words what a great irritating habit to have I often wonder how I managed to fit that in what with the music practice over the writing all the music practice all the writing or dealing with the pigs guinea pigs not actual pigs hey my landlord would love that if I had a Vietnamese pot belly pig wondering round the place mum is hilarious thought our

    Sorry I'm having to use the dictation on my iPhone because of my antipsychotics giving me the shakes I can't hold my phone still enough in order to write with the bloody screen so having to talk into it and sometimes it gets words totally wrong or it puts a completely different wording to the one that she wanted
    Oh the joys of technology fucking up

  4. #4
    Afloat ... or adrift? marshlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    The Fens or the Alps
    Gender
    Male
    Age
    61
    Posts
    3,043
    On the other hand, the fact that we all have access to technology so that you can communicate with us at all is pretty amazing.

    I have a question or two. Do you know your voices? Are you frightened of them?

    I'm not just nosy, but I am interested in another perspective. I have someone very close to me who lives with voices. It sounds dreadful and some horrible things have happened as a result.

  5. #5
    Chilling Out frame69's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    Cornwall
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    488
    At the age of 47 I now know that something is not as it should be in my noodles.

    Frame.
    Poor is the man who's pleasures depend on the permission of another.
    The following users think this post is groovy: Sootyfoot

  6. #6
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    Yes I know one of the voices because it's my mum's voice but the other three voices I don't know two of them are male and one is a 10-year-old child who has never raised in the 10 years I've had a
    Correction she has never got older

    The three adult voice it is a very nasty and they tell me to hurt myself I did act out on them ones which involve me strain myself are trying to add my sisters card it was moving at 30 miles an hour but I thought it was stationary I thought she parked up I had no idea the engine was running or anything all I can remember was the voices telling me to get out because it wasn't safe so that is what I tried to do and I got a 16 month stint in the psychiatry unit for that got experimented on bail the doctors because it gave me a source of different bloody medication they just used my head because it was a new head so I thought okay let's experiment on this head by pumping it for the fucking God knows what I didn't know what day it was what year it was one month it was all nothing for months and months on end

    Sometimes I still don't know what day is your year but now I have my iPhone I Kanasket bit worrying really

    - - - Updated - - -

    If you have any other questions feel free to ask I don't mind answering them because that's your new way people are going to learn is by asking questions

  7. #7
    Heavenly Creature Lightbringer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    silsden,west yorkshire
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    4,270
    i have ADHD too that's why i don't write many long posts because i lose concentration.
    i use to play the piano, guitar, bass recorder and cello maybe it's somehow connected :/

  8. #8
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    Oh I love the cello that's a gorgeous instrument

    I am a self taught piano player I thought it was normal to play Beethoven at the age of four I learnt the first movement of the moonlight sonata in C sharp minor offer an LP and I thought everybody did that but it was when I went to the school that I went to that I don't be like that that was not a normal thing to do
    And I started learning to play the Scottish Harp at H5 and then picked up a wooden flute without keys three years ago progressed to the orchestral silver flute two years ago picked up the piccolo this year and I'm still going with all of them I also sing
    They did put me on Ritalin to try and control my ADHD but unfortunately my mother got a bit of a taste for the tablets so they had to stop it because she was taking them instead of me so they have a few problems
    Well mainly the house stayed because it got smashed up but are you go she smashed it up when she realise she can get any more tablets

    She used to stay awake for days on it and it used to put me to sleep speed does the same thing I've missed three new years party is because the speed because I slept right through them that's rubbish
    When I took stimulants no that's wrong hallucinogens not acid magic mushrooms I actually got silence in my head and I have had about eight months in total of 11 years of hearing voices when is the instruments they turned up about two years ago the 52 piece orchestra and I haven't bucket of sins
    Correction buggered off since apples dictation is really rubbish it's not fit for fucking purpose
    The following users think this post is groovy: cricket, Lightbringer

  9. #9
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    The conductor fucked off about a year ago you had an argument with one of them and they're pissing me off because the string section is refusing to tuneup and there's nothing worse than an entire flat string section
    Yes there is a 32p Smirti pipe fans with re-Ferb on every channel playing a flower Scotland for 12 hours are E jazz version of Ebeneezer Goode by the Shamen in the style of Gershwin summertime

    That kind of thing happens roughly around 4 o'clock in the morning and I get woken up Byatt why can't you do the rehearsals are an improvisation is it a suitable ever I have no idea
    The orchestra are a fucking nightmare to live with and how do I deal with it by listening to classic FM which is basically just recordings of orchestras it's the only way I can cope with them

    Fox sake where is the off switch
    Correction fuck sake
    The following users think this post is groovy: cricket, Lightbringer

  10. #10
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    I have been so affected by what I saw today in the care home that must've been interrupted I had to come in post I dreamt I was in there for the patience and attending a complete fucking nightmare and I sleep like I'm conscious Clennell know it's not real
    I hate my sleeping interrupted you today I'm glad Ashley wakers thank fuck isn't real it felt really real it was a really vivid one that's a bloody supper clone fucking stupid use a sleeping tablet making a weird dream to feel like there actually happening fucking kills
    Correction zopiclone

  11. #11
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    My head is still reading from yesterday's experience in the Institute that they call a care home
    I would have pulled out of it because I wasn't well but the event has been booked for over two months so I can let 78 residence down so that's why I did it otherwise I wouldn't have own my God I can't believe that they just discard people like that just bits of rubbish is this horrible Maddie doesn't like it

  12. #12
    Transcending
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Location
    Pembrokeshire
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    684
    You wrote that magic mushrooms gave you some peace, have you told your doctor this ? Perhaps it might help him find a more effective medication for you. Wishing you luck.

  13. #13
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    Unfortunately the doctors do not approve of this as it is not a medication that has been approved by some fucking scientist in a lab even though it is well documented that people who listen eight when you take hallucinogens just like ADHD people with speed it reverses the effect of what it supposed to do because of the Briens wiring
    Correction the brain

  14. #14
    Afloat ... or adrift? marshlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    The Fens or the Alps
    Gender
    Male
    Age
    61
    Posts
    3,043
    Apart from the person I mentioned previously who lives with voices, I think I can actually relate to what I think you are saying about your orchestra. When I left a very difficult long-term relationship some years ago my head was all over the place. My survival in that relationship depended on me being able to close off the world. After about a fortnight in a different environment, though, the music started. All day and much of the night I was hearing new music in my head. I was woken up by it pounding so loudly at night. At first it seemed like a gift. I was amazed and delighted that, somewhere very deeply buried inside, my ability to compose had survived. I earn my living as a musician, but I had been blocked as a composer for decades. I started making sure I had a manuscript book with me at all times and I was so afraid of turning away this gift of music that I was compelled to write everything down. I was late for work because new melodies leapt into my head en route and some nights I didn't get more than a couple of hours of sleep. I didn't want to return to the blocked state, so I accepted everything and filled books with new music. Some of it was even quite good and is still in my band's repertoire. After months of this I was exhausted. I had to begin to let some of it go. It is only recently that I have actually gone some places without my manuscript book and I usually regret it. The downside is that, when an idea comes and I don't write it down, it is never as convincing as when I first heard it when I try and piece the idea back together. The creative mind is a very odd creature. I had what was potentially an interesting idea and first line for a new song a couple of days ago. I wish I had written it down then and there. I have plenty of half-started pieces that I can always come back to, but not if I don't write them down.

    I hope I haven't derailed your thread.

  15. #15
    Transcending
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Location
    Pembrokeshire
    Gender
    Male
    Posts
    684
    Quote Originally Posted by maddy harper View Post
    Unfortunately the doctors do not approve of this as it is not a medication that has been approved by some fucking scientist in a lab even though it is well documented that people who listen eight when you take hallucinogens just like ADHD people with speed it reverses the effect of what it supposed to do because of the Briens wiring
    Correction the brain
    I know your doctor won't prescribe mushrooms, but thought it might give him a clue as to what helps you.

    Your brain, especially the musical part, sounds like it works many times faster than mine. I guess it's a blessing and a curse, difficult to explain to people who have no concept that the mind can be so active.

  16. #16
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    The psychiatrists aren't too happy if they find out you've been using illicit substances to control your head
    I have had many telling off about by various psychiatrist because of self medication
    I really didn't like the fact when I used to smoke loads of cannabis that's when I used to get the most rambling
    It's because of the dopamine induced psychosis that's why they don't like using cannabis if you've got any type of psychosis because it can make it worse in some cases
    But they all see cannabis is as it really dirty drug is like you shitting yourself out a snack or something reactions I've got to that
    I have had issues with that substance as well I'm one of the lucky ones I got out relocated got clean and there aren't very many smack heads they can sit where I am and say what I've just said I was on the needle as well so it wasn't as if it was just the odd chase it was permanent I had a 70 a day minimum habit that was just my habit unfortunately there were two of us are used to go out busking with the harp and get a reasonable amount of money every day for that that is shame we didn't get used for anything useful
    No I swapped my drug addiction for an instrumental one and stuff for my pics that I'm addicted to buying stuff for the guinea pigs and instrument shopping
    I have got to flutes made of rosewood ones Indian Rosewood and I'm not sure what the other one is I've got one made of cultist would would you originate from the Caribbean I've got one that African Blackwood and it is what it says on the tin that one is really heavy I've got African Blackwood little Irish whistles they're pretty expensive I have three different parts of Asia than those which are made in fleets I have Chinese bamboo flute a Japanese bamboo flute and I have a south Indian bamboo flute which I had to fix because when I got her she just felt like a bit of twig with holes in it and she wouldn't play switch it for days of work and now all her notes come out

    I have a crystal glass flute I have one made of Jade which screen you can get different colours of Jade can get white jade is well I have an electric student play flute which herself on the outside with a brass alloy on the inside that used to practice or if I haven't been playing for a while I'll use that one to begin with and then go onto my solid silver flute was called headjoint that was really expensive because of the goal bit in it
    Then I have a nine on 29 string heart I 34 string GUT strong heart and I have a little 15 by a string slither that's beautiful that is
    My nylon string is made out of rosewood my gut string harp has a mahogany frame with the spruced soundboard am I Little 15 by a string slither is made out of Cherrywood then there is my keyboard and my computer and my iPhone which is what I'm using to post on now
    If you're blind you need to rely on technology a lot more than you do if you have site
    Me and the guinea pigs are fighting for space in my room because I rent a room in this house not the whole house because it set up as a house of multiple occupants say if the notice just me on here
    Unfortunately though the guinea pigs are started to take over the lower cupboards in the kitchen they have three cupboards and one draw for the stuff mainly high and food but my knee-high correction hey
    All of the wood substrate is in my bedroom with me though and I have three different types of hay open for them to have on rotation so we can't get bored of just one hey
    Guinea pigs can be really fussy about what they Willy and what they won't eat
    Since stripey came to live with me in chalk chalk has become a lot less fussy because there is another guinea pig to validate that the food is safe to eat strike is like the guinea pig equivalent of a human just been he will eat absolutely anything

  17. #17
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    I like the fact I'm literally cracked in the head because I think with genius comes madness I don't think you can get one without the other

    I learned Beethoven off and I'll pay I don't all my piano stuff to begin with a fellow pace because that's where around the nice days correction LP records
    Music sounds so much better in the final I don't understand why we had to go to the stupid little plastic things cycle compact discs
    So it's thanks to my madness that I have a special gift with music I think that's the Lord's way of compensating me for not having site you give me a music gift some wonderful gift to have well actually no it's not when you're trying to go to sleep and all your brain wants to do these flu practising or heart practising or piano scales or vocal practice its fucking irritating because there was no off switch not for me anyway
    Thank God I can upload my music to an external server so it's the way of emptying my brain of all the music that is in it
    Bloody autism is a pain in the arse sometimes
    It has got me into trouble many times
    The following users think this post is groovy: cricket

  18. #18
    Heavenly Creature Lightbringer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    silsden,west yorkshire
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    4,270
    I can say I was one of the lucky ones too and you will probably find a few others in here are one of the lucky ones also.
    Marshlander could you not take a dictaphone with you and hum the tune, then it's there at the end of the day for you to write down


    The following users think this post is groovy: cricket

  19. #19
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    That happens to me on a regular basis where are have a really good idea and then something will distract me and then I completely forget what the idea was in the bloody first place but all I can remember about it was a good one and that's it so you're not the only one
    The following users think this post is groovy: cricket, marshlander

  20. #20
    Afloat ... or adrift? marshlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    The Fens or the Alps
    Gender
    Male
    Age
    61
    Posts
    3,043
    Quote Originally Posted by Lightbringer View Post
    ... Marshlander could you not take a dictaphone with you and hum the tune, then it's there at the end of the day for you to write down
    Thanks and yes I could, my mobile phone will do that, but I'm not actually attached to it all the time . Strangely, these tunes usually sound better in my head until they are ready to be heard. I prefer to go from head to paper. Sounding them out loud is very distracting and through that distraction I still lose what I was thinking ... if that makes any sense at all.

    The following users think this post is groovy: cricket, Lightbringer

  21. #21
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    No that makes perfect sense Marshall under

  22. #22
    Heavenly Creature Lightbringer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    silsden,west yorkshire
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    4,270
    Quote Originally Posted by marshlander View Post
    Thanks and yes I could, my mobile phone will do that, but I'm not actually attached to it all the time . Strangely, these tunes usually sound better in my head until they are ready to be heard. I prefer to go from head to paper. Sounding them out loud is very distracting and through that distraction I still lose what I was thinking ... if that makes any sense at all.

    Yeah I know what you mean

  23. #23
    Musical hippy dreadhead maddy harper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Reading uk
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    355
    I wish I had an off button for all the music that is inside my bloody head I don't know what drives me more mental music inside my head the orchestra outside my head all the people either inside or outside my head
    It's never quiet in my house I forgotten what silences
    The following users think this post is groovy: cricket

  24. #24
    Heavenly Creature Roamer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Gender
    Female
    Posts
    3,728
    I wish I had an off button for everybody else's misery

    I've had a few threads of my own though Maddy so I won't hold it against you.

    If you are hearing voices you need a doctor. Not a forum.
    The following users think this post is groovy: Lightbringer

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •