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Thread: Golden people syndrome

  1. #1
    the belt fed wombat gee's Avatar
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    Golden people syndrome

    Maybe this is personal but i am wondering if any people feel either the chosen one or the skapegoat of the family i ve been reading on the net and its more common than you think. I ve always felt a failure when i was doing well my brother always put me down. He could do no wrong and it was handy having a small brother to blame for everything or order about. Maybe iam lashing out but i laid low this weekend as he was up and mum was obvs going ro wait on him hand and foot. His career and life has gone into orbit hes very succesful and i guess i do feel proud but i have struggled and always been mainly by mum led to feel like a complete failure ive worked hard built my own house out of stone tried to run an ailing family business but sumhow its like mum wanted me to fail. As a kid i got whooping cough it nearly killed me i had 6 months off primary school a mate said maybe thats what put you behind as a kid for a bit. I also struggled terrible with maths only to find at the last year at junior that i had bad eyesight and coyldnt see the decimal point. I gave up college well i passed my course and was offered a degree course but didnt go on. My mum let me know about that for years. Sometimes if brothers done something wrong i get up to status of golden boy which is nice but is short lived. My brother as a kid crashed mums car with me in he blamed me to which i got a bollocking then he fessed up then it was well i hope your all ok etc no bollocking for him. I guess things are a bit crap iam looking for blame. Its just hard when bros doing so well and i arnt but its weird if you do well your given more if you struggle your a loser.


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    they will never change ,walk away .

    most familys are the same its not you or your falt .... walk away.

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    Heavenly Creature Lightbringer's Avatar
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    Yup my family are the same!



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    the belt fed wombat gee's Avatar
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    I cant its family

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    Transcending Ecobob's Avatar
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    You have to see your life through your own eyes, not your mother's. Then you will feel better.
    In order to be happy where you are in life you need to accept what makes you happy and not what you think others think will make you happy. if you follow?
    Any resemblance to actual persons living, dead, or undead, is purely coincidental
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    Heavenly Creature parrotandcrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gee View Post
    I cant its family
    You can though, Gee. I got fed up of being the black sheep, for being blamed for everything, and one day just told my mum to fuck off then walked out.

    This was unprecedented in my middle-class, well spoken family, the shock would have been appalling to them, but I had got to a point where I no longer cared.

    In the end, many, many years later, when my mum couldn't manage and family wanted to put her in a home, I brought her to live with me.

    This sounds saintly, but wasn't. Because I had left the family physically and emotionally, I was able to look after her as I would any other elderly lady; without the panic that having to care for a terminally ill relative would bring.

    Apart from the sadness of her having to leave her home, we ended up getting on really well. It was as though we met for the first time as adults and discovered that we were good friends.

    It is only if you leave a bad family situation behind you, that you can then build bridges - if you want to do so.

    Perhaps a less radical solution would be to sit down and talk with them about how you feel. If you feel unable to do this, maybe you could have a third party with you, to try and keep conversations on track; rather than turning into barrages of recriminations. If it turns into, "You said. . ." or "You always do this", you won't hear what each other is saying. If you think you cannot talk without it ending in pain and insults, try writing a letter about how you feel, saying perhaps that you will take time out while they think about what you have said.

    You have to be careful though, not to point fingers while you are writing or it will just put folks on the defensive. Even if you feel it would serve them right, it's better to say, "I feel lost and unhappy, as though my brother matters more to you than I do", rather than, "You always take his side".

    Family disputes are the worst, and sometimes putting distance between yourselves helps.

    Whichever path you ultimately take, I wish you peace and happiness.

  7. #7
    the belt fed wombat gee's Avatar
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    Its engrained in me im afraid. Have work busy - happiness. I am so far behind now ill never catch up.

  8. #8
    Transcending
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    My family's exactly like this, although my mum swopped which child she favoured over the years. It does do terrible things to your head; it's an awful way to raise children and has left me struggling with low self esteem and a feeling that nothing I do is ever good enough, no matter how obvious it is logically that isn't the case.

    Counselling helped me so much; I honestly feel that saved my life and not only saved it but changed it for the better. I learnt (and am still learning) to judge my life by my own standards and what is important to me. I am still learning about myself and what I enjoy and what makes me feel content. All of my standards when I was younger were my mum's, not my own. I didn't develop my own personality because everything had to be done the way she wanted/needed it to be; we were reflections of her, not people in our own right and as a result I developed this sort of chameleon like personality where I was just whatever I sensed the other person wanted, rather than being myself. It caused no end of problems in my adult life and it has taken me a very long time to connect with myself and really understand what I feel is important.

    I do try and avoid comparing myself to other people - it's not easy but I do try. I try to focus on what I feel is important to me. Did I take the time to talk to that elderly chap in the park this morning, was I aware of my surroundings and thinking about how beautiful they are and how lucky I am to experience them, did I get to hear my son laughing, did I enjoy a cuddle with the cat? It sounds very trite but I have realised that those are the things that matter to me. Financially, everyone I know is better off than I am, they've all got a lot more 'stuff', they go on fancy holidays and so on. Then I can go into town and see the people sleeping in doorways, walk past houses knowing that behind those doors someone is beating their partner, someone else is abusing their child, someone else is lonely, and so on. There are always people doing 'better' and always people in a more difficult situation. What matters to people is different for everyone so I try to keep my own counsel, as it were, but I do find it hard, especially when I need a shot of cash quickly (usually because the van's broken down!) but it's getting easier as time goes on - practise makes perfect, I suppose!
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    Shed Junkie alices wonderland's Avatar
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    Gee have you got a bigger cock than your brother? If you have keep mentioning it infront of your brother & dad. In fact brag just how big your cock is & wack a bit of extra on. Then you will have them all envious.
    Gee if your cock is smaller than your brothers, then you really are f**ked and should move out. Become a hermit. People like hermits, they often get talked about though.
    Brother, your the backbone of that farm. Your the cement in the family building business. Give yourself a big pat on the back for putting up with another year of keeping them in business and not exploding in their faces. You have massive shoulders so they put on you. Don't let them crush you & get that pay rise.
    even a gypsy caravan is too much settling down.

  10. #10
    Walking back to happiness ma bungo's Avatar
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    Get a prince albert thingy , and you will end up with a longer nob than bro ? and the pain will distract you till it gets better ?
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    Heavenly Creature Lightbringer's Avatar
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    Do you think your mum realises? I'm always worried that one twin feels like they get praised more than the other or gets shouted at more than the other but if they did feel like that then I haven't realised it, if that makes sense.... but they are 4 so maybe They wouldn't realise anyway :/



  12. #12
    Heavenly Creature cricket's Avatar
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    I for some reason was always the scapegoat as a child.There was a good deal of trauma and anger existant before my parents had children.The male child was the favoured one in a family of female children, as all females did was bide their time till a ring and breeding.Well 1970s where I came from was like that.I wasted very many years of my life trying to work out the whys and ifs but the most valuable thing I was told by a friend was ..."would you tolerate this abuse from a stranger?" Then I got to thinking that if these people who claimed, at times, to actually love me could be like this WHY was I bothering with them at all?I havent looked back and all I miss is the illusion I used to dream of that they would be like real parents.You either stay or leave.Your choice.

  13. #13
    the belt fed wombat gee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alices wonderland View Post
    Gee have you got a bigger cock than your brother? If you have keep mentioning it infront of your brother & dad. In fact brag just how big your cock is & wack a bit of extra on. Then you will have them all envious.
    Gee if your cock is smaller than your brothers, then you really are f**ked and should move out. Become a hermit. People like hermits, they often get talked about though.
    Brother, your the backbone of that farm. Your the cement in the family building business. Give yourself a big pat on the back for putting up with another year of keeping them in business and not exploding in their faces. You have massive shoulders so they put on you. Don't let them crush you & get that pay rise.
    I think my brother has a bigger one than me. He is known apparently to be a big lad and he is 6 ft 7 in height with size 12 feet. I am 6 ft 4 but i am sure i am shrinking. Maybe due to hard graft and dragging my knuckles on the floor bowing and scraping. I am known to be above average rumour has it. I do nothing on the farm now as i just feel its a waste of my time but its hard hard wired into my sykee to help and it gets me down staying away but why waste my life being an interim farm labourer a stand in etc bollocks. Light-bringer try oh try to treat your kids equal it maybe tough don't spoil them but discuss everything out in the open. I spent my childhood times paranoid getting sent to bed for nothing and listening through the floorboards to hear if mum was talking about me. If brother rings mum goes in another room and shuts doors behind her if sis rings shes out in the open but almost trying to get rid of her etc. She plays us all off against one another saying the brother in law is to fat (he is though) or rarely she may slag off bro generally to my sister. You know id accept stuff and walk away had i not put so much of my time soul heart into helping them but i never ever got the pat on the back or ever heard how proud they were of me. Mum never forgave me for giving up the chance of a degree or the fact i got in trouble with the law at 21 and i lied back then to my dad. But i was generally out then. I am starting again now an oldish local joiner has done more to promote me as a builder and general good tradesman than my mum or dad has ever done. I get him in for bits with me and vice versa. I am having to start again i will get legal advice as I've worked hard for 21 years but like brexit i need to be calm and break away. I just wish a family meeting could be had sometimes.mum once said other people in the family think you have it to easy and have been spoiled. Well i never have seen bro or sis shovelling 4 ft off snow of a roof at minus 18 so it was done for christmas. Or when dad was ill getting up at 4 feeding the stock then going to work. Then every weekend sawing logs to keep him warm. If bro came up mum would knacker herself cooking for him families are mental. God if i won the lottery. But maybe it would make me a twat anyway.

  14. #14
    Shed Junkie alices wonderland's Avatar
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    Gee I bet your brothers got big ears and big hands too.
    My mate has just finished work through I'll health. All his life grafting for management. He was one of the best site managers in the end and all the big building companies were constantly trying to poach him.
    For a laugh if you were to see him right with a pkt of fags ( he don't drink) he could phone your folks up at home and spin some shit hot story how he's heard so much about you and your work ethic, that he would like to offer you a site managers job at a well known building company ( to be decided) ? He could just be phoning up to sound out your folks to see if you have the suff he is looking for. I'm sure he will slip in the 48k plus bonus and a company car starter wage.
    You could be the talk of the kitchen table all over Christmas. What you think? 48k not enough? Maybe they will be thinking more about their loss than your gain and not give such a good reference.

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    the belt fed wombat gee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alices wonderland View Post
    Gee I bet your brothers got big ears and big hands too.
    My mate has just finished work through I'll health. All his life grafting for management. He was one of the best site managers in the end and all the big building companies were constantly trying to poach him.
    For a laugh if you were to see him right with a pkt of fags ( he don't drink) he could phone your folks up at home and spin some shit hot story how he's heard so much about you and your work ethic, that he would like to offer you a site managers job at a well known building company ( to be decided) ? He could just be phoning up to sound out your folks to see if you have the suff he is looking for. I'm sure he will slip in the 48k plus bonus and a company car starter wage.
    You could be the talk of the kitchen table all over Christmas. What you think? 48k not enough? Maybe they will be thinking more about their loss than your gain and not give such a good reference.
    Like it man like it a lot. Hell that would be nice maybe in new year when i get my brexit deal sorted. Weird thing is i got offered a site manager job before credit crunch and a plant mechanic at a york firm when i was quizzing them about how to sort an old dumper at dads. It was kind of how i valued my labour i once batted away three good jobs one year. However one was a twat and he went bust so i did feel better sticking to family then

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    the belt fed wombat gee's Avatar
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    To be fair a bloke has told me theres a hell of a big job going next year a football manager has bought a big house and grounds the deal is the council is making him use local labour i dont know why but maybe that could open a door to a gravy manager job who knows bur witg no big site experiance i guess id be a number and any good idea id have to tell to the right people sites are tough a lot of testostarone egos and jobs flying about. You can soon be a cnnnt if you step on the wrong toes.

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    Abandon ship. Duckman's Avatar
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    Gee, is there any chance you could get away from home, maybe working on another farm of a farm supplies shop? Then count the months before you family gets in touch with you.
    We all lead different lives.

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