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Thread: Casual hook up or Relationship

  1. #1

    Casual hook up or Relationship

    Its just my opinion but it seems like society is changing in the sense that a lot of the guys seem to prefer a casual hook up rather than committing to a relationship.

    From conversations it seems to stem from a few things I.e. travelling therefore don't want to be tied down, just got out of a long relationship with/without kids etc

    So guys... Casual hook up or relationship?


  2. #2
    Afloat ... or adrift? marshlander's Avatar
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    I can't speak for all men, of course, but there is a compulsion to explore what is just over the next hill - a kind of "I wonder what will happen if ..." There isn't always a specific destination in mind although the specific destination (i.e. some form of "conquest") is the popular image of the male. For many of us it is curiosity and the intrigue of a path hitherto unexplored. There is always another hill, as we get into gear.

    I have experienced many hookups in the past. Each time I said, "Never again!" But there always was an again until I met my present partner getting on for fifteen years ago. That getting into gear thing can happen completely unbidden and sometimes incredibly fast. In the 90s when the internet was young I got into a daily exchange of e-mails with a local man. Eventually we arranged to meet and he was as beautiful in the flesh as he was caring and funny in his words. I became totally smitten. One evening about three months into the friendship we went out to a pub and on the way home I stopped my car to ask if he would mind if I gave him a kiss. Seriously, that was all I wanted. One kiss went from 0-120 in no seconds flat and the next day he sent me a break-up text message. That was a very hard lesson to learn. Is this what women have been experiencing all these years?

    Having said that I manage to hang on to the knowledge that what might be over that hill will never be any better than what I already have in my life. I really don't want to jeopardise that and it is not always easy, but I have discovered that I like myself more when I am happy and that I am generally happier in a relationship. I think I would let myself die if I had to deal with the knowledge that I had betrayed and hurt my man. At least that is how I have felt all these years, still feel now and expect to continue to feel for the foreseeable future, although I am realistic enough to acknowledge that life changes us.

    I'm not sure there is a simple answer to your question. People bring different experiences to relationships, even one-night or five-minute ones. Sometimes we are looking for something that we cannot name. Sometimes we don't even know that we are looking. What I do find particularly sad, though, is that sometimes some people find that genuine treasure and fail to recognise just how beautiful, and worth keeping, it is.

    I don't know if this addresses your question, but it is something I think about a lot ...

    ... but then I am one of the lucky ones.
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  3. #3
    Transcending
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    It might be true for a younger group, but I'm approaching my 30th wedding anniversary and wouldn't change a thing.
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  4. #4
    Heavenly Creature Roamer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Free.spirit
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    Its just my opinion but it seems like society is changing in the sense that a lot of the guys seem to prefer a casual hook up rather than committing to a relationship.

    From conversations it seems to stem from a few things I.e. travelling therefore don't want to be tied down, just got out of a long relationship with/without kids etc

    So guys... Casual hook up or relationship?
    I'm a girlie so am I allowed in?

    Oh good
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    thanks

    Society hasn't changed a jot
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    guys have always preferred a bunk up & they have always bloody had their cake & scoffed it down without a thought for anything bar their peeny penis
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    I fucking hate most men
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    dont ever trust the bastards
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    They're a pain in the arse anyhow! Who wants to run around meeting some cockwombles need every 5 minutes? He would pay bigtime for me to be washing & cooking let me tell you
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    I'm for casual
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    he can have great sex IF he treats me well. Otherwise he can jog on.

  5. #5
    Radiant Being wurzel's Avatar
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    Never judge someone by the opinion of others.
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  6. #6
    Heavenly Creature Roamer's Avatar
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    It would be nice to meet somebody who loves me though
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    then he would be my world
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    I would spoil him rotten
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    But thats just fairytale stuff
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    its not real.

  7. #7
    Heavenly Creature Roamer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by wurzel
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    Was I mean to you
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    I dont think so but ... ok
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    i go bed now

  8. #8
    Comfortably Numb Rick69's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Roamer
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    ...guys have always preferred a bunk up & they have always bloody had their cake & scoffed it down without a thought for anything bar their peeny penis..
    Rather a sweeping generalization. This may be your experience, but its not how i live my life.
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  9. #9
    Heavenly Creature Editor aman's Avatar
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    In my experience, one night stands are never as good as you imagine they are going to be and sex get better the longer you are with someone.

    Jules and I have been together for 25 years and I have no complaints.

    Paul
    PⒶUL
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  10. #10
    Transcending essexcamper's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Roamer
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    It would be nice to meet somebody who loves me though
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    then he would be my world
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    I would spoil him rotten
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    But thats just fairytale stuff
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    its not real.

    Once apon a time .............
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  11. #11
    Transcending essexcamper's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by aman
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    In my experience, one night stands are never as good as you imagine they are going to be and sex get better the longer you are with someone.

    Jules and I have been together for 25 years and I have no complaints.

    Paul

    Jules has lol
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  12. #12
    Heavenly Creature Editor aman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by essexcamper
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    Jules has lol
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    Ahhh. That explains all the moaning
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    PⒶUL
    PⒶUL
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  13. #13
    Strangely Lonesome Lonesomestranger's Avatar
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    Not my thing. Experience showed me that quite quickly.
    For me sex is a very intimate and personal act between two (or more if you're into that) people, and I'd like to have a pretty good idea who's getting personal with my intimate bits before I wake up the next day handcuffed to the bed and all my bunnies have been boiled!

    I won't initiate anything more than just banter with someone who I wouldn't want to spend some time with in some sort of relationship. Yeah if it fizzles out after a short time then so be it, but a one stand just doesn't appeal to me. Tried it a couple of times years ago, just felt like i'd used the people afterwards.
    On the same token, I tend to have long periods of celibacy between partners. I just don't see the need for sex just for the sake of it.
    It's no use shouting about who's to blame, when all that counts is how to change...

  14. #14
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    I know there are men who are lying bastards, but there are women like that too.

    I was engaged for several years before I got married, and believe me I thought very hard about those marriage vows. I decided that I could keep them, so I made them, and I haven't broken them. I'm not religious, there is no fear of god, but I made the promises to my wife and she is real.

    Incidentally, Mrs McBoatface insisted on changing the words, she wouldn't promise to "obey" in the marriage ceremony. I think that was a good start, it showed that she was taking it seriously too.
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  15. #15
    Heavenly Creature
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    Originally Posted by Free.spirit
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    Casual hook up or relationship?
    Maybe they are not mutually exclusive?
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  16. #16
    Shed Junkie alices wonderland's Avatar
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    I would say as time marches on, that we are coming full circle in actions and celebrations shared last in the 1960's love and sex for the fun if it. Watching our parents and grandparents shackled in marriage. Then to be confined in the 1980's for all but the reckless & panicked by fear of aids. We sheathed our swords. What now can be it to stop the ravages and lust? our regained sexual freedom promiscuously champions love without war, a naked pleasure. Not since the gin houses in London or a brothel in France has it felt so right to do as we please. Like the property market, marriage is out of reach for the first time buyers but not for want of trying.
    even a gypsy caravan is too much settling down.

  17. #17
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    I believe that there are three levels of sexual pleasure.

    1. The base level, sex with a casual partner. Physical, passionate, makes memories that stay with you.

    2. Sex with your long-term love. Intimate, affectionate, trusting, abandoned.

    3. As number 2, but trying for a baby - I can't describe what's different, but it's on another level somehow.

  18. #18
    Im in neither camp.....separate space and separate bathrooms gets my vote toward successful monogamy.....outside of that paradigm Id rather be celibate.....

  19. #19
    FORM FROM THE VOID Danann's Avatar
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    Well I Be Of Thinking Free Spirit....That.....
    "There Be And Is The Sort Of The Problem/Reason For Why Peeps Choose One Or The Other That Your Question Asks If That Kinda Makes Sense . Meaning ..
    When You Said/Say...
    "Casual Hook Up? OR Relationship?"
    Because "A Casual Hook Up" ...Is Just SEX .Wham Bam Thankyou Mam/Man hahaha. NO Emotions..No Feelings No Connections ..No Emotions And Sadly Often Just Using Or Abusing To Scratch An Itch Or Need...And Cold...And Its Just Natures Rutting hahaha..
    So Easy To Walk Away...Without Any Kind Of Committing Etc Which Many Women/Men Either Fear Or Dont Want Or Need Etc

    Wherwbe...."Making LOVE" Is A Totally Different Thing ..
    Its Both Very Beautiful And Very Spiritual...Its Warm...Sensual ...Deeply Meaningful ...As Two Lovers Entwine And Wrap Around Each Other Joining As One...Minds Bodies Hearts..Spirits...Senses Touch..Taste...Smell...All Become Heightened Etc Etc. Its True Committment And Trust And Faith And Love Of Each Other And Means A Long Lasting Relationship ...And There Is No Just "CASUAL SEX" Involved .. Simply Because 'They Make "LOVE" And Do Not Have "CASUAL SEX"...

    So Really In A Way The REAL Question Hidden Beneath
    The Words "Casual Hook Up" Means ..
    NO Relationship ..NO Nothing..Because It Simply Means .."JUST SEX" ..Nothing More .Nothing Less...And Really Be Depending If Man Or Woman Want Relationship Etc .

    As For Meez ...I Would Not And Could Not Just Have Sex Because To Me It Should Be A Beautiful Thing Not A Uggly Meanningless Thing ..And I Would Get More Pleasure And Sensual Erotic Need Pleasuring Myself Rather Than Some Total Stranger Rutting On Me hahahaha ...
    So Nope Nada ...Defo No Casual Hook Up Boring Cold Emotionless Sex For Meez .. hahaha....
    Form From The Void & Mists

  20. #20
    Transcending Cobra's Avatar
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    I remember one guy I had a casual hook up with,middle of the night,said to me "Not too much salt on my eggs in the morning ok?"
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    I replied...."Errr I think its time you left"!
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    I did have less than a handful of casual hook ups,all part and parcel of sewing your wild oats!If I were single now though,I don't think I could do it.Older and wiser!

  21. #21

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    Originally Posted by Cobra
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    I remember one guy I had a casual hook up with,middle of the night,said to me "Not too much salt on my eggs in the morning ok?"
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    I replied...."Errr I think its time you left"!
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    I did have less than a handful of casual hook ups,all part and parcel of sewing your wild oats!If I were single now though,I don't think I could do it.Older and wiser!
    Haha I love your story Cobra, I can't believe they said that 😂

  22. #22

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    Originally Posted by Boaty McBoatface
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    I believe that there are three levels of sexual pleasure.

    1. The base level, sex with a casual partner. Physical, passionate, makes memories that stay with you.

    2. Sex with your long-term love. Intimate, affectionate, trusting, abandoned.

    3. As number 2, but trying for a baby - I can't describe what's different, but it's on another level somehow.
    I love the way you see the levels to a sexual relationship as I haven't considered it like that before. To think of it I've only experienced the 1st 2 levels in my first true long term relationship. It was so full of trust and excitement that sex was a wild adventure. I can honestly say I haven't been able to truely just let go and trust someone since. I'm sure I will in time.

    I admire everyone's views through their life experiences so thank you guys ❤

  23. #23
    Transcending Cobra's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Free.spirit
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    Haha I love your story Cobra, I can't believe they said that 
    Neither could I,thats why I kicked him out!
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    lol
    Last edited by Cobra; 04-02--2017 at 09:28 PM.
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  24. #24
    Heavenly Creature
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    I joined a cruise-liner at 20 years old, as an engineering-officer, surrounded by young loonies like myself at the time. As officers we had full passenger privileges, all the bars, shows, and girls!!! I was a right slag to be honest, we all were. In those days going on a cruise out of Sydney for the aussies, around places like Fiji and other lovely places was the same as Brits going to Ibiza or Greece at the time, and probably just as cheap too. So the ship was rammed with young,fit, horny, lovely people, on holiday
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    Keeping the passengers happy was part of our job.

    As my mate said in his book about those days, "We were young horny alcoholics cruising around the South Pacific Islands with access to free food, cheap beer, great girls and even greater mates and the best part was we got paid for it. Who wouldn’t have acted the same way as we did? Absolutely nobody that’s who!
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    Last edited by Uncle jhad; 04-02--2017 at 08:54 PM.
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